Spring Break 2017

We had the absolute BEST spring break!
After my last AC, it took me 9 days to start feeling better or even half way normal. Y'all, that stuff seriously is the devil. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to endure. I am SO thankful it is over. Henry and I had spring break that week that I was sick. Bless his heart, it wasn't that much fun. BUT, that Saturday, I woke up feeling so much better, and our other spring break began. We honestly didn't do much, but it was a perfect week and exactly what we all needed.

Saturday, we spent the day in the yard and doing stuff outside. It was great! I have no idea what we did Sunday, but I'm sure it was great! Ha! (I blame chemo brain.)

 Monday morning, we got up, packed up, did a few things around the house, and then headed to the farm to spend the night with Dee and Pete. We stopped in Southlake and did some shopping first. Hallelujah! This girl needed some retail therapy! It was fantastic!
After shopping, we went to the farm and then out to dinner. Everyone played outside first and got dirty enough to need a bath. The next day, we spent the whole day outside and just playing. We all had so much fun! Then, we went to Taco night at Fuzzy's on the square in Decatur and headed home. I was SO tired, but perfectly happy. I know David was glad to get some time to himself too. I know he deserved it.

Wednesday, we had a playdate with friends. This is probably the thing my kids loved the most. We had a friend for Annie, Charlotte, and Henry. They seriously played all morning inside, ate lunch, and then played outside until their moms came. It was so fun. After that, we loaded up and got Steel City Pops. There is one SUPER close to our house, and that is going to be a game changer this summer. I love that place!

Thursday, I had chemo which was a bummer, but it went so much better than all the times before. (Other than waiting over an hour to see the doctor. Boo!) This chemo isn't fun, but it's not as harsh as the last, so I am loving every single thing I get to do.

I took Charlotte to a birthday party on Saturday, I made homemade pudding today. Nothing major, but SO appreciated by this sick mama! I love being able to participate in life again. It feels so good to be able to tell my kids that I will be there. Praise the Lord! I know it will get harder over the next 11 weeks, but I will enjoy every single minute that I can. God is so good!

A good day

It's Friday morning. Normally, after a chemo treatment, I would just now be getting out of bed. Maybe. David would have taken the girls to school and someone else would be entertaining Henry. Today, the kids are having a fun day with their cousins. They are being taken care of so I can rest. BUT, the fabulous news is that I am feeling SO much better. This chemo is definitely different. I was able to get up this morning with my children and get them ready for the day myself. Praise the Lord. Y'all, it is so nice to sleep in and let someone else take care of the kids, but when you can't do it, it's not fun. I am so thankful for a husband and family that will step in and do the things I normally do, but I am so ready to be able to do them again myself.

The doctor told me yesterday that this chemo will build up in my system and eventually get more and more difficult, but it won't be anything like AC. Praise the Lord!!

Today I am resting and getting a few things done while the kids are playing with their cousins.

I also wanted to update y'all and thank you for praying. I did not have an allergic reaction to anything yesterday. Again, praise the Lord! We are hopeful that we can get through another couple treatments and then cancel the steroids. We are also hopeful that this chemo will kill any remaining cancer cells in my body.

I still have no idea why the Lord has allowed us to walk this road. I hate not feeling normal and feeling fragile. I hate this stupid port inside my chest, and I really dread the chemo and surgeries ahead. BUT, I do know that God is good. I know that the circumstances in this world will never change that.

I've been thinking about Joshua lately. I can imagine how he felt when the Lord told him to march around Jericho rather than going in and fighting. I'm sure it didn't make any sense, and I'm sure he felt silly. That's how I feel sometimes. This just doesn't make any sense, and I feel so vulnerable. But, I know that God is bigger than the things of this world. I know he has a purpose in my suffering, and I know that He will continue to walk with me as I march through this year. I don't know how it will turn out. I am afraid of the possible bumps in the road. I worry about things not going as planned. I worry about having to do more chemo after surgery. I worry about my cancer changing and coming back. Over the years, I've told so many people that we are not supposed to make decisions in this life out of fear. Now, I get to live those words of advice. I will trust that God knows best. I will trust that he will deliver me. I will trust that even if things don't go as planned, that He still has a purpose. I'm going to continue to trust and just give my fears to him.

Thank you for praying for us. December was so difficult for both David and I. Only our family really knew what was going on. It was hard when I was diagnosed with cancer. It was really just awful. But, since then, we have seen the body of Christ rally around us with so many tangible things, but also with prayer. I am amazed at the outpouring of prayer, and I will always be grateful. As much as I hate going through this, it has not gone unnoticed that every time I have asked you to pray, the Lord has been faithful to answer. My genetic tests were negative, the tumor in my armpit is gone, the masses in my breast are much smaller, I made it through the hardest round of chemo, my children are doing so well, David didn't have to take a leave of absence at his job because I was so sick, and just so many more. I don't ever want anyone to think that God is not in the business of answering prayers because he IS! I know he may not always answer like I want him to. It has been such a comfort to me to know you are praying and to see the Lord come through. As difficult as this time as been, it's also been a time for us to lean into the Lord and feel him so close. Thank you for being a part of that.

"For God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7

"Do not be anxious about anything. Instead, in every situation, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, tell your requests to God. And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4: 6-7

Prayers

I made it to Taxol! Yay! It's completely insane to me that I'm cheering about taking chemotherapy, but I'm just SO glad that the stupid AC is over!

Today I start Taxol. After today I will only have 11 treatments left. Another yay!

I would love it if you could pray for me today and this weekend.
I'm waiting to see if I have an allergic reaction. Apparently this is fairly common, but not necessarily expected. Please pray that I do NOT have a reaction. They give me steroids to help with all that, but if I can go for 3 weeks with no reaction, they will get rid of the steroids. I would prefer to take as few things as possible, and there would be less issues without the steroids.

Please pray I tolerate this chemo easily. It is supposed to be easier than AC, but I will get pretty tired by the end of the 12 weeks.

Also, please pray that there would be no complications in the weeks and months to come. We talked with the surgeon last week and laid out a plan for the rest of the year. 12 more weeks of chemo, 4 weeks off, double mastectomy, 4 weeks of recovery, then 6 weeks of radiation. After all that I should get about 4 months off, and then the last reconstructive surgery. We are hoping to have that the very last week of December so that we can start 2018 fresh and healthy. We talked with my oncologist about it all today, and she said it all sounds good, BUT there are still lots of factors to consider. I'd like to have my port taken out with the first surgery, but we will have to get scans back after chemo first. There are all kinds of things to decide on still, and that is ok. I just would love for everything to continue to go smoothly.

I want to praise the Lord for some things too...
-The doctor couldn't even feel my tumor in my armpit AT ALL today! Hallelujah!
-All my blood work came back perfect. All my numbers are great and as the doctor said, "exceptional."
I don't want to take any of this for granted. I know there are SO many people out there having complications and difficulties right and left. I am so thankful that the Lord has answered so many of our prayers. Thank you for praying with us. Thank you for praying for us. Thank you for loving us as we walk this difficult road. I CANNOT wait until chemo is over, but I know that will also mean that I will have a 1st and 3rd grader in my house. Crazy!

I hope you all have a fabulous weekend, and I hope that you enjoy every minute with your family. My taxol should start shortly, and I need to find a nurse to turn on the NCAA tournament for me. Ha! (But seriously, sic'em bears!)

This is my medicine researcher. So thankful that one of us is paying attention and cares about the details.

Love

It's Wednesday, almost a week after my last AC treatment, and I still feel kinda crappy. If past treatments are any indication, I am hoping to wake up tomorrow and feel MUCH better! That's the hope, at least.

I'm so glad to have crossed two major things off my list: shaving my head and the hardest chemo drug!! Yay!

This week I am still recovering. It's hard. I want to do so many things around the house, but I find myself watching cartoons with Henry and building puzzles most of the time. The Lord has given me some sweet time with my boy, and I am so thankful for that. I'm ready to feel better so that next week we can enjoy spring break with the girls. We aren't going anywhere (duh), but we are having a sleepover in our room, getting crazy donuts, and all kinds of other simple, fun things.

Tomorrow I meet with my surgeon. I have a zillion questions, and I really love her, so I'm looking forward to it. The tumor in my armpit is so tiny that I'm the only one that can find it. It's amazing. God is so good! I'm hoping to find out the timeline of my surgery and everything else if all goes well. Please pray that I wouldn't have to wait too long after chemo to have surgery. I know my plans are not God's plans, but I would LOVE to be done with my recovery before school starts. I know that's a tall order, but that's what I'm hoping for. We will find out tomorrow. Thank you for praying for me and my family. I cannot express how much I appreciate it.

I'd like to give a little shout out to my husband. (And ask you to pray specifically for him.)

David and I met in junior high and started dating in high school. (We actually dated twice in junior high but broke up both times. I mean, "dating" in junior high...what does that even mean?) Anyway--I have loved him since I was 16. I remember thinking on our wedding day, that I couldn't possibly love him more. Then, we got married, and I have fallen in love with him more and more each day. This man, y'all. He is kind and patient. Lord, he is patient. He is generous and funny. He is smart and can fix anything. He is an amazing father. Our children absolutely adore him. He would rather be behind the scenes than in front of everyone. He loves me like Christ loves the church. I couldn't ask for anything more. If you know me at all, you know that I HATE being told what to do. Seriously. That has been something I've had to work on throughout our marriage. The Lord knew exactly who I needed to marry though. Someone who has always respected me. Someone who asks my opinions on subjects that I have NO idea on. (Hello health insurance!) Someone who encourages me to follow my dreams. Someone who tells me the truth. (Ladies,this is IMPORTANT!! No, we don't want our husbands to tell us we don't look great in an outfit, but I'd rather that than walking out the door and looking like a fool.) Someone who points me towards Jesus. As hard as it is for me to be told what to do, David is the only person in the world who makes it even slightly easier.

Please don't hear me say that my marriage is perfect. It is not. We have had difficult times. Marriage is hard. BUT, being married to David is not. He is the perfect match for me. He allows me to be myself. I can tell inappropriate jokes to him, he supports my coca cola addiction, he knows I love Northpark mall, he encourages my ability to teach, he just loves me for who I am. I never have to pretend around him.

He has loved me through this whole cancer process. On the nights when I thought I was going to die, David held me and told me not to go there. We didn't know yet. Don't worry. On the night he shaved my head, he made me laugh and then told me he didn't love me for my hair. When I can hardly keep my eyes open, he tells me to go to  bed and I know that he is taking care of our children. I can walk around our house with nothing on my head. I can plan a surgery knowing that he will be there the whole time.

I know most, if not all, of you reading this are married. I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir, but I just feel compelled to say...wait girls, wait! Don't fall for what the world tells you that love is. Don't fall into the trap that a big, wedding will make you happy. If you're already married, don't listen when the world tells you that it would be easier to walk away. I know it's hard. It's only March, and this year has been SO HARD! If you are struggling in your marriage or in your wait to find the right person to marry, I would love to sit and have coffee with you. (You can have coffee and I'll have a coke.) I just look at David and know that he was the one I was supposed to marry, and I'm so glad I did. I want that for every other person out there. Don't settle for something the world tells you. Wait for what God tells you.

I'll ask you to pray for David because I know this year has been so hard for him too. He has to watch me be sick and get poked all the time. His job is CRAZY busy right now and I know he feels pulled in so many different directions. Please pray for rest for his mind and his body. Please pray that satan would not have a victory in any area of his life. Please pray that the Lord would reveal himself to David and show him how loved he truly is.

Thank you for reading all this. I know I ramble. I just wanted to say a public thank you to the man who loves me so well. He will probably be embarrassed to read this, but I hope he knows how very loved he is.

The Church

I've been thinking about writing this post for a long time. I hope I have the right words to say. I know that so many of you reading this may have had a bad experience with the church or with someone that claims to love Jesus but didn't show his love to you. On behalf of them I would like to apologize. None of us are perfect, and I'm sure we have all given Jesus a bad name at some point. There are so many conversations and interactions that I wish I could go back and change.

As followers of Jesus, we are called to LOVE. It doesn't matter who, it doesn't matter where, we are just supposed to love. I know that the current political climate has gotten all kinds of feelings and things stirred up. I have lots of strong opinions on all that and I'd be happy to share them anytime, but that is definitely for a personal conversation rather than a blog post.

I just wanted to tell you how amazing the church has been for me, especially recently. When I say "the church," I really just mean Jesus followers. The church has truly blessed my life so much already this year. I have people that I have never even met (and probably will never meet) praying for me daily. I received a blanket and some crafts for my kiddos from a church in Conneaut Lake, Pennsylvania. (The sweet town where my aunt and uncle live.) I had someone tell me this past weekend that she prayed for me everyday. I seriously had never talked to her before, but we have a mutual friend. We have 4 months of meals being provided to us, and I don't even know two of the people that signed up. Seriously, I have no idea who they are. They are friends of friends.

Y'all, this is what the church does. They are the hands and feet of Jesus. They have held my hands up for the past two months when I have been too tired to do it. They have cared for us through meals, cards, gift cards, gifts, babysitting, and most importantly, prayer! I could never thank everyone that has helped us over the past 2 months enough.

Now, my church has been amazing as well. We have 4 families fighting cancer right now. My church isn't very big, so that is kinda crazy. They are even praying for us cancer fighters specifically over lent. They have provided meals, child care, kind and encouraging words, and advice. I know that going to a new place or a new church can be intimidating, but I would love to sit next to you at my church. If you have a church home, I'm totally not trying to steal you away. I'm really just talking to that person who may not have a church home but might want to know a little bit more about Jesus and this amazing community. These people in this sweet, small church have blessed my life immeasurably over the last two months, but also since I was little. These people have always amazed me with their kindness and generosity. They love deeply, and they act on that. They step in when needed. They volunteer in ministries. They reach out to their community. Are they perfect? No. Is our church perfect? Nope. But, Jesus is. Jesus knows our hearts. He's the one we follow and try to model our lives after. Does everyone in my church agree on political issues. Nope. But, we love each other and that's enough. I truly hope, if you are in Dallas and want to find a place where you fit and you can feel loved, please come visit us at North Highlands. If you're not in Dallas and you want to find a place to belong, I would gladly help you find a local church in your area. I just can't imagine how much more difficult this would be without the church in general and my church. Thank you so much for loving us and taking care of us through this time. We are truly thankful.

As a side note, I am just finishing up my last round of AC chemo. Please pray that my body handles it well. The doctor said these next two weeks will be my hardest. Then, I start a new round that should be much easier. Praise the Lord! Another nugget of good news is that my tumor was too small to even measure today. Hallelujah! Thank you for praying!

NEGATIVE

Yes, you read that right. My genetic testing was NEGATIVE for ALL the breast and ovarian cancer genes! Praise the Lord! Thank you SO much for praying!!

I feel a huge sense of relief with these results. My daughters will have to get mammograms when they are 29, and that is so crappy, BUT at least they will not have to be tested for anything else. There are two genes that can cause childhood cancer, and I was NEGATIVE for those as well.

They had an "incidental" finding. It sounds a lot worse than it is. Apparently, there is a gene that causes LOTS of colon polyps and usually leads to colon cancer. You have to have two broken copies of that gene for it to be considered serious. I have one broken copy. The general population has a 5% chance of getting colon cancer. Because I have one broken gene, I now have a 7-8% chance of getting colon cancer. That was the only finding they had, and I will take it!

I have the exact same chance of getting any other type of cancer as the general public. I have a meeting with my surgeon on March 9th, and I know we will discuss all this. I'm interested to learn how this affects my treatment (if at all), and how we proceed from here.

Tomorrow I have my LAST round of the red devil chemo. Again, PRAISE THE LORD! I will try to update the blog tomorrow, but wanted to ask for specific prayers this week and weekend.

Please pray that my body handles this round well. The 3rd round was SO incredibly hard. I do not want to do this last one, but I know I have to. Also, please pray for me emotionally. This weekend is my sweet Charlie girl's 6th birthday. It is hard for me to take a step back and allow my family to do the things that I normally do for my kiddos' birthday. I am so thankful to have the amazing family that we have. Aunts and both grandmas are coming to help with the party and the rest of our weekend. I will be missing a soccer game, going to celebrate at school at a later time, not cooking my normal birthday meal, and delaying our family lunch. It's just extremely hard for me, emotionally. I know that I am doing all this so that next year I will be back to normal and able to participate in all the birthday festivities.

I think I get a few weeks off between chemotherapies, so I am looking forward to spending spring break with my kiddos. We may not be able to do much, but we are going to do as much as we can and enjoy every minute together. I won't take it for granted this year.

Thank you for praying and loving us through this time. I truly appreciate it. Love you all!