The doctor told me yesterday that this chemo will build up in my system and eventually get more and more difficult, but it won't be anything like AC. Praise the Lord!!
Today I am resting and getting a few things done while the kids are playing with their cousins.
I also wanted to update y'all and thank you for praying. I did not have an allergic reaction to anything yesterday. Again, praise the Lord! We are hopeful that we can get through another couple treatments and then cancel the steroids. We are also hopeful that this chemo will kill any remaining cancer cells in my body.
I still have no idea why the Lord has allowed us to walk this road. I hate not feeling normal and feeling fragile. I hate this stupid port inside my chest, and I really dread the chemo and surgeries ahead. BUT, I do know that God is good. I know that the circumstances in this world will never change that.
I've been thinking about Joshua lately. I can imagine how he felt when the Lord told him to march around Jericho rather than going in and fighting. I'm sure it didn't make any sense, and I'm sure he felt silly. That's how I feel sometimes. This just doesn't make any sense, and I feel so vulnerable. But, I know that God is bigger than the things of this world. I know he has a purpose in my suffering, and I know that He will continue to walk with me as I march through this year. I don't know how it will turn out. I am afraid of the possible bumps in the road. I worry about things not going as planned. I worry about having to do more chemo after surgery. I worry about my cancer changing and coming back. Over the years, I've told so many people that we are not supposed to make decisions in this life out of fear. Now, I get to live those words of advice. I will trust that God knows best. I will trust that he will deliver me. I will trust that even if things don't go as planned, that He still has a purpose. I'm going to continue to trust and just give my fears to him.
Thank you for praying for us. December was so difficult for both David and I. Only our family really knew what was going on. It was hard when I was diagnosed with cancer. It was really just awful. But, since then, we have seen the body of Christ rally around us with so many tangible things, but also with prayer. I am amazed at the outpouring of prayer, and I will always be grateful. As much as I hate going through this, it has not gone unnoticed that every time I have asked you to pray, the Lord has been faithful to answer. My genetic tests were negative, the tumor in my armpit is gone, the masses in my breast are much smaller, I made it through the hardest round of chemo, my children are doing so well, David didn't have to take a leave of absence at his job because I was so sick, and just so many more. I don't ever want anyone to think that God is not in the business of answering prayers because he IS! I know he may not always answer like I want him to. It has been such a comfort to me to know you are praying and to see the Lord come through. As difficult as this time as been, it's also been a time for us to lean into the Lord and feel him so close. Thank you for being a part of that.
"For God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7
"Do not be anxious about anything. Instead, in every situation, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, tell your requests to God. And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4: 6-7
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