My hair, part 2

So, cutting my hair wasn't nearly as traumatizing as I thought it would be. It wasn't fun, but it wasn't as bad as I had expected.

I liked my short hair and I felt fairly confident about it. I got to keep it for almost a week. I washed it on Monday night and it started coming out. I don't think it was noticeable to anyone else though, so it wasn't too bad. The rest of the week, I just showered but didn't wash my hair. Well, by Thursday, it was time. David was SO tired that night and he fell asleep at like 8:15. I was able to just sit and think and pray for a bit. Then, I just got in the shower. It was AWFUL! I knew it was coming, but I wasn't ready still. I don't know that you ever can be ready for that. My hair was just coming out like crazy. Then, when I got out of the shower it was noticeably thinner. Like, awful! I cried and cried. I didn't know that I had that many tears. I eventually went into the laundry room to cry and be able to just really get it out so no one could hear. It helped. I prayed some more.

Then, I went back into our bathroom and David shaved my head.

I can't express how hard that was. My hair has always been one of my favorite things about myself. I've only colored it once. (In college, I got it highlighted after growing my bangs out.) Other than that, it has always been my natural color. And, I have always loved it. My girls have hair just like mine. Theirs is slightly darker, but the same texture. I like that we have similar hair. Y'all, it was just SO hard!

I've loved David since we were 16. We dated for 6 years and have been married for 12. We've had 3 beautiful kids together. We are still young but we've gotten to grow together and experience life together. This is the hardest thing we have had to walk through though, and it was such a shock. "For better for worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health." Well, this is definitely the worse and the sickness parts. I never would have thought in a million years that David would EVER have to shave my head.

I just stood there with my hands over my eyes and cried while he did it. When he was almost done, I opened my eyes and said I was sorry that he had to shave my head. He very quickly said "At least it's not your butt." I swear, that man surprises me all the time. He didn't skip a beat, and it was the only time I laughed all day.

You know when you cry hard, and your eyes and head hurt? Well, that's what happened to me that night. It was just a very difficult night. I lost another part of myself during this process, and I was just so very sad. It's so awkward and embarrassing at first. I cannot tell you how thankful I am that I am married to David. He never waivered that night. He was loving, gentle, and kind. He told me he didn't love me for my hair, but for so many other reasons. He held me while I cried, and he made sure I was ok. It was just a tough night.

The next morning, I put my wig on and took the girls to school. They were sad that I had to cut my hair, but they didn't seem too upset. Charlotte immediately wanted to see my head. Bless her heart. I told her I'd show her after school. I wasn't quite ready for that. Once I got home, Henry and I went to see Christie, Owen, and Will. It was so good to get out of the house. The bad part was that my wig was KILLING my head. I have lots of little spots and hairs left, and it just hurt so bad. I took the wig off in the bathroom and put on a scarf. It still hurt, but not nearly as badly. I picked the girls up from school in my scarf, and Annie loved it. Y'all, my kids' reaction to this has been a big concern for me. Henry literally thinks it's awesome that I don't have any hair. I can walk around totally bald and he doesn't miss a beat. When I showed the girls, Annie smiled and said, "Mama, it will grow back." And Charlotte just walked over and hugged me. It was SO sweet! They don't seem to mind at all what is on my head. Wig, scarf, nothing...they're good. Now, when we go somewhere where people may not know, I'm trying to wear my wig. That way, it's more normal for everyone and the kids don't feel so different. It's just so very weird. I never EVER thought I'd be bald and dealing with wigs and scarves. Again, my sisters and mom have been such a blessing. They got me two beautiful scarves, and Christie is making me some more. I bought fabric too, so I think I'll have a little fun with it.

Basically, last week was absolutely AWFUL! There is no sugar coating it. It was terrible. By Saturday though, I felt so much better about it. I'm still me. I just have to walk this path and deal with it. I took Annie and Charlotte on dates last weekend and just wore my scarf. I felt great, and they didn't seem to mind at all. Now, I feel like I get to be excited about when it will come back in again rather than just always dreading when it's going to fall out. It was hard, but now it's over. It's not the easiest thing in the world and I CANNOT WAIT to get my hair back, but this is where the Lord has me. I will continue to trust that He knows what is best for me. I will continue to cry out to him and rejoice when he answers my prayers. I will continue to love him even though this is not the plan I had in mind for my family and myself.

This is a verse that was such a comfort to me when Mamaw died, and has now become a comforting verse through this trial:
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Romans 8:18
This one is also a comfort to me:
"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:17-18

Thank you for reading this much. I was sad about my hair, but now I am hopeful about it coming back in, and I am ready to get this nasty stuff out of my body!!