Sleepy

I have now officially made it through THREE AC chemo treatments!! Praise the Lord. This was a tough one though. Thursday I came home after treatment and was asleep by 4:30. Charlotte was performing at multi-cultural night at her school that day, and I was so disappointed to miss it. David took pictures and a few videos though, and she was precious. My mother and father in law got her a cute pink dress the last time they were in Mexico. (She requested it.) So, she wore that and called it her "French dress" for weeks. It was hilarious. I corrected her a thousand times and now she finally knows it's from Mexico. Ha!

I ate dinner Thursday night while the kids were gone and was in bed when they got home. I'm just glad I was able to hug and kiss them before bed. We are so thankful for our family. My mother in law helped with everything that night, and I will always be grateful for that.

Friday I slept until about 10:30. Henry went to lunch with my parents and I was able to nap and relax most of the day. Honestly, I don't remember much about Friday.

Saturday, David and I slept until 10 again, and we tried to run an errand later to Hobby Lobby. I felt like my feet were made of lead. I was so tired. We slept in Sunday again and I wasn't quite as tired, but I was very nauseous. I felt the same on Monday and even Tuesday. Today is the first day I've started to feel semi-normal. I know it will get better everyday. Only one more AC treatment left.

Today I feel overwhelmed with how much treatment I still have left. I know only one more AC, but then 12 Taxols, a double mastectomy, radiation, and another surgery. Most days I don't focus on all that. Most days I can focus on the next treatment or what I'm dealing with that day, but today I feel overwhelmed. I just want to close my eyes and wake up in October. I know this is life and death. I have to do this so that I can be here to watch my children grow up, graduate, and get married. I have to be here to grow old with David. I've loved him forever, and we WILL retire in New York City someday. It's happening. Honestly, I hope Jesus comes back before then. I long to see him in the clouds and hear the trumpet call. I long for the cares of this world to fade away so that I can spend eternity praising the one who made me.

I will continue to try to focus on each day. Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow for today has enough troubles of its own. I will try to remember that. I would covet your prayers as I try to balance knowing that I HAVE to do this and feeling like I just want to give up. I won't give up. I'm just tired and ready to not feel sick all the time.

I hope this hasn't been discouraging to anyone. That is the last thing I want. Please know I know that God will continue to carry me through. I just want to be honest with how hard this is and how tired I am. I am looking forward to sweet kiddo birthday parties this weekend and beautiful weather so we can sit outside together as a family. Thank you for praying and for loving us. I know God will bring beauty from these ashes, and I know He will continue to work even through my exhaustion.

Ok...now, I need to decide if I'm having a jalapeno pizza from dominoes tonight or chicken and jalapeno tacos from Shady's. Can you tell I might be craving something spicy? Praise the Lord for wanting to eat today. The Taxol might make me lose some of my sense of taste soon. Maybe I'll lose weight. Hey, a girl can hope, right?! Ha!