I have now officially made it through THREE AC chemo treatments!! Praise the Lord. This was a tough one though. Thursday I came home after treatment and was asleep by 4:30. Charlotte was performing at multi-cultural night at her school that day, and I was so disappointed to miss it. David took pictures and a few videos though, and she was precious. My mother and father in law got her a cute pink dress the last time they were in Mexico. (She requested it.) So, she wore that and called it her "French dress" for weeks. It was hilarious. I corrected her a thousand times and now she finally knows it's from Mexico. Ha!
I ate dinner Thursday night while the kids were gone and was in bed when they got home. I'm just glad I was able to hug and kiss them before bed. We are so thankful for our family. My mother in law helped with everything that night, and I will always be grateful for that.
Friday I slept until about 10:30. Henry went to lunch with my parents and I was able to nap and relax most of the day. Honestly, I don't remember much about Friday.
Saturday, David and I slept until 10 again, and we tried to run an errand later to Hobby Lobby. I felt like my feet were made of lead. I was so tired. We slept in Sunday again and I wasn't quite as tired, but I was very nauseous. I felt the same on Monday and even Tuesday. Today is the first day I've started to feel semi-normal. I know it will get better everyday. Only one more AC treatment left.
Today I feel overwhelmed with how much treatment I still have left. I know only one more AC, but then 12 Taxols, a double mastectomy, radiation, and another surgery. Most days I don't focus on all that. Most days I can focus on the next treatment or what I'm dealing with that day, but today I feel overwhelmed. I just want to close my eyes and wake up in October. I know this is life and death. I have to do this so that I can be here to watch my children grow up, graduate, and get married. I have to be here to grow old with David. I've loved him forever, and we WILL retire in New York City someday. It's happening. Honestly, I hope Jesus comes back before then. I long to see him in the clouds and hear the trumpet call. I long for the cares of this world to fade away so that I can spend eternity praising the one who made me.
I will continue to try to focus on each day. Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow for today has enough troubles of its own. I will try to remember that. I would covet your prayers as I try to balance knowing that I HAVE to do this and feeling like I just want to give up. I won't give up. I'm just tired and ready to not feel sick all the time.
I hope this hasn't been discouraging to anyone. That is the last thing I want. Please know I know that God will continue to carry me through. I just want to be honest with how hard this is and how tired I am. I am looking forward to sweet kiddo birthday parties this weekend and beautiful weather so we can sit outside together as a family. Thank you for praying and for loving us. I know God will bring beauty from these ashes, and I know He will continue to work even through my exhaustion.
Ok...now, I need to decide if I'm having a jalapeno pizza from dominoes tonight or chicken and jalapeno tacos from Shady's. Can you tell I might be craving something spicy? Praise the Lord for wanting to eat today. The Taxol might make me lose some of my sense of taste soon. Maybe I'll lose weight. Hey, a girl can hope, right?! Ha!
Wednesday, February 22, 2017
Thursday, February 16, 2017
My hair, part 2
So, cutting my hair wasn't nearly as traumatizing as I thought it would be. It wasn't fun, but it wasn't as bad as I had expected.
I liked my short hair and I felt fairly confident about it. I got to keep it for almost a week. I washed it on Monday night and it started coming out. I don't think it was noticeable to anyone else though, so it wasn't too bad. The rest of the week, I just showered but didn't wash my hair. Well, by Thursday, it was time. David was SO tired that night and he fell asleep at like 8:15. I was able to just sit and think and pray for a bit. Then, I just got in the shower. It was AWFUL! I knew it was coming, but I wasn't ready still. I don't know that you ever can be ready for that. My hair was just coming out like crazy. Then, when I got out of the shower it was noticeably thinner. Like, awful! I cried and cried. I didn't know that I had that many tears. I eventually went into the laundry room to cry and be able to just really get it out so no one could hear. It helped. I prayed some more.
Then, I went back into our bathroom and David shaved my head.
I can't express how hard that was. My hair has always been one of my favorite things about myself. I've only colored it once. (In college, I got it highlighted after growing my bangs out.) Other than that, it has always been my natural color. And, I have always loved it. My girls have hair just like mine. Theirs is slightly darker, but the same texture. I like that we have similar hair. Y'all, it was just SO hard!
I've loved David since we were 16. We dated for 6 years and have been married for 12. We've had 3 beautiful kids together. We are still young but we've gotten to grow together and experience life together. This is the hardest thing we have had to walk through though, and it was such a shock. "For better for worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health." Well, this is definitely the worse and the sickness parts. I never would have thought in a million years that David would EVER have to shave my head.
I just stood there with my hands over my eyes and cried while he did it. When he was almost done, I opened my eyes and said I was sorry that he had to shave my head. He very quickly said "At least it's not your butt." I swear, that man surprises me all the time. He didn't skip a beat, and it was the only time I laughed all day.
You know when you cry hard, and your eyes and head hurt? Well, that's what happened to me that night. It was just a very difficult night. I lost another part of myself during this process, and I was just so very sad. It's so awkward and embarrassing at first. I cannot tell you how thankful I am that I am married to David. He never waivered that night. He was loving, gentle, and kind. He told me he didn't love me for my hair, but for so many other reasons. He held me while I cried, and he made sure I was ok. It was just a tough night.
The next morning, I put my wig on and took the girls to school. They were sad that I had to cut my hair, but they didn't seem too upset. Charlotte immediately wanted to see my head. Bless her heart. I told her I'd show her after school. I wasn't quite ready for that. Once I got home, Henry and I went to see Christie, Owen, and Will. It was so good to get out of the house. The bad part was that my wig was KILLING my head. I have lots of little spots and hairs left, and it just hurt so bad. I took the wig off in the bathroom and put on a scarf. It still hurt, but not nearly as badly. I picked the girls up from school in my scarf, and Annie loved it. Y'all, my kids' reaction to this has been a big concern for me. Henry literally thinks it's awesome that I don't have any hair. I can walk around totally bald and he doesn't miss a beat. When I showed the girls, Annie smiled and said, "Mama, it will grow back." And Charlotte just walked over and hugged me. It was SO sweet! They don't seem to mind at all what is on my head. Wig, scarf, nothing...they're good. Now, when we go somewhere where people may not know, I'm trying to wear my wig. That way, it's more normal for everyone and the kids don't feel so different. It's just so very weird. I never EVER thought I'd be bald and dealing with wigs and scarves. Again, my sisters and mom have been such a blessing. They got me two beautiful scarves, and Christie is making me some more. I bought fabric too, so I think I'll have a little fun with it.
Basically, last week was absolutely AWFUL! There is no sugar coating it. It was terrible. By Saturday thoug
h, I felt so much better about it. I'm still me. I just have to walk this path and deal with it. I took Annie and Charlotte on dates last weekend and just wore my scarf. I felt great, and they didn't seem to mind at all. Now, I feel like I get to be excited about when it will come back in again rather than just always dreading when it's going to fall out. It was hard, but now it's over. It's not the easiest thing in the world and I CANNOT WAIT to get my hair back, but this is where the Lord has me. I will continue to trust that He knows what is best for me. I will continue to cry out to him and rejoice when he answers my prayers. I will continue to love him even though this is not the plan I had in mind for my family and myself.
This is a verse that was such a comfort to me when Mamaw died, and has now become a comforting verse through this trial:
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Romans 8:18
This one is also a comfort to me:
"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:17-18
Thank you for reading this much. I was sad about my hair, but now I am hopeful about it coming back in, and I am ready to get this nasty stuff out of my body!!
I liked my short hair and I felt fairly confident about it. I got to keep it for almost a week. I washed it on Monday night and it started coming out. I don't think it was noticeable to anyone else though, so it wasn't too bad. The rest of the week, I just showered but didn't wash my hair. Well, by Thursday, it was time. David was SO tired that night and he fell asleep at like 8:15. I was able to just sit and think and pray for a bit. Then, I just got in the shower. It was AWFUL! I knew it was coming, but I wasn't ready still. I don't know that you ever can be ready for that. My hair was just coming out like crazy. Then, when I got out of the shower it was noticeably thinner. Like, awful! I cried and cried. I didn't know that I had that many tears. I eventually went into the laundry room to cry and be able to just really get it out so no one could hear. It helped. I prayed some more.
Then, I went back into our bathroom and David shaved my head.
I've loved David since we were 16. We dated for 6 years and have been married for 12. We've had 3 beautiful kids together. We are still young but we've gotten to grow together and experience life together. This is the hardest thing we have had to walk through though, and it was such a shock. "For better for worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health." Well, this is definitely the worse and the sickness parts. I never would have thought in a million years that David would EVER have to shave my head.
I just stood there with my hands over my eyes and cried while he did it. When he was almost done, I opened my eyes and said I was sorry that he had to shave my head. He very quickly said "At least it's not your butt." I swear, that man surprises me all the time. He didn't skip a beat, and it was the only time I laughed all day.
You know when you cry hard, and your eyes and head hurt? Well, that's what happened to me that night. It was just a very difficult night. I lost another part of myself during this process, and I was just so very sad. It's so awkward and embarrassing at first. I cannot tell you how thankful I am that I am married to David. He never waivered that night. He was loving, gentle, and kind. He told me he didn't love me for my hair, but for so many other reasons. He held me while I cried, and he made sure I was ok. It was just a tough night.
The next morning, I put my wig on and took the girls to school. They were sad that I had to cut my hair, but they didn't seem too upset. Charlotte immediately wanted to see my head. Bless her heart. I told her I'd show her after school. I wasn't quite ready for that. Once I got home, Henry and I went to see Christie, Owen, and Will. It was so good to get out of the house. The bad part was that my wig was KILLING my head. I have lots of little spots and hairs left, and it just hurt so bad. I took the wig off in the bathroom and put on a scarf. It still hurt, but not nearly as badly. I picked the girls up from school in my scarf, and Annie loved it. Y'all, my kids' reaction to this has been a big concern for me. Henry literally thinks it's awesome that I don't have any hair. I can walk around totally bald and he doesn't miss a beat. When I showed the girls, Annie smiled and said, "Mama, it will grow back." And Charlotte just walked over and hugged me. It was SO sweet! They don't seem to mind at all what is on my head. Wig, scarf, nothing...they're good. Now, when we go somewhere where people may not know, I'm trying to wear my wig. That way, it's more normal for everyone and the kids don't feel so different. It's just so very weird. I never EVER thought I'd be bald and dealing with wigs and scarves. Again, my sisters and mom have been such a blessing. They got me two beautiful scarves, and Christie is making me some more. I bought fabric too, so I think I'll have a little fun with it.
Basically, last week was absolutely AWFUL! There is no sugar coating it. It was terrible. By Saturday thoug
h, I felt so much better about it. I'm still me. I just have to walk this path and deal with it. I took Annie and Charlotte on dates last weekend and just wore my scarf. I felt great, and they didn't seem to mind at all. Now, I feel like I get to be excited about when it will come back in again rather than just always dreading when it's going to fall out. It was hard, but now it's over. It's not the easiest thing in the world and I CANNOT WAIT to get my hair back, but this is where the Lord has me. I will continue to trust that He knows what is best for me. I will continue to cry out to him and rejoice when he answers my prayers. I will continue to love him even though this is not the plan I had in mind for my family and myself.This is a verse that was such a comfort to me when Mamaw died, and has now become a comforting verse through this trial:
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Romans 8:18
This one is also a comfort to me:
"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:17-18
Thank you for reading this much. I was sad about my hair, but now I am hopeful about it coming back in, and I am ready to get this nasty stuff out of my body!!
My Hair
The day of my last chemo treatment, David and I went to pick up the kids from school. We got them in the car with my parents, and then we met my sisters at the salon. We went to the Artistik Edge in Lake Highlands. I've known the owner, Terry, and Anita for such a long time. My mom used to Jazzercise with Anita and we've gone to her forever. She is such a sweet friend. Anita did my hair for our wedding, and there really wasn't anyone else that I wanted to do this. Anita has always wanted to cut my hair, so this time she got to have a field day with it. Ha!
When we first got there, Terry sat down with us and prayed. I didn't know how badly I needed that prayer at that moment. If you are looking for a place where people genuinely care about you as a person, please go see my friends at the Artistik Edge.
After we prayed, I sat down, and Anita went to work. She cut all my hair off and gave it to Christie. (I think. I was a little emotional, but someone took my hair to donate it.) After that, we washed it. David was so cute and came back to the part of the salon where we were washing my hair. He was a little concerned that she was done cutting. Apparently, he said that he always got his hair washed AFTER they were done cutting. I know he was concerned because I sort of had a rat tail at the time. Ha! After Anita washed my hair, she gave me a super short pixie cut. It was SO hard to watch her cut all my hair off, but I did like the style. I was so glad that I was able to get used to a shorter style for a while. It makes me more confident about when it starts to grow back in. I know I will grow my hair out again, but my short hair was fun, and I will be SO glad to have it back!
This is my wig. Anita cut it and made it look a zillion times better! It looks like I got a hair cut and some highlights. Annie told me it looks "brighter" than my other hair.
This was my support group. Another wonderful thing about the salon was that they basically just let us take over. Everyone was sitting in a chair just hanging out. It was wonderful. I seriously don't know what I would do without these 4. David is the kindest, most wonderful man I have ever known. I am so thankful for him. These girls...I'd be lost without them. They have loved me so well, and I am so thankful to have such amazing sisters!
Here we go again.
Today I am getting ready to take my 3rd round of AC. Right now I'm getting all my steroids and anti-nausea meds, but once they start the actual chemo, I'll only have one more round of this horrible stuff left! Hallelujah! (I will get a 2 week break and then start 12 rounds of a different type of chemo, but that one is supposed to be much easier.)
We met with my doctor again today, and she said that my tumor is "significantly more difficult to find." Yay! It is MUCH smaller, and we praise the Lord for that! Because we can see that my tumor is reacting to the chemo, we are going to assume that the other cells in my body that could have been sent out from my lymph node are reacting the same way. David and I were both thrilled with this news!
There are a few things that I would really appreciate your prayers for.
1-That my genetic testing results would come back negative. (We should have those before my next treatment.)
2-That my body would handle the chemo well again this time with minimal side effects.
3-That my body would handle the menopause shot well. This will be my second time getting that one, and the doctor said she would be surprised if I didn't have more of a reaction. I dread that, y'all. Hot flashes aren't fun, but I'm always hot, so that hasn't been too much of a big deal. I really don't want to have to deal with the tears and the crazy. (I'm sure David doesn't either. Ha!)
4-That the Lord would guard my children's hearts. I know this is so hard for them, and I just want them to feel somewhat normal in the midst of the craziness of life right now. They are going to the farm with my parents for a long weekend while I recover, and I know they will have fun. I will just miss them.
Y'all, thank you for loving us so well during this time. The meals have been AMAZING, and such a blessing to me. I've been able to focus on resting, helping with homework, and just spending more quality time with the kids because of y'all. The gift cards we have received have been amazing as well. We have gone on a family date already and it was great to be able to do so without worrying about money. Also, all your cards and notes have been such an encouragement to me. I feel so blessed to know that so many people are praying for my health and my family. It truly is carrying me through.
I find it hard to explain how hard this is. People have asked how I'm doing, and I can't say that everything is fine. It's not. This is hard. BUT...the Lord has been so good to me. Seeing and feeling the outpouring of love on our family is like nothing I have ever known. Also, the Lord has been answering so many of my "little" prayer requests. I can feel him moving in my life, and for that I am truly thankful. It gives me hope. I know this is just something we have to walk through, but I will always be eternally grateful that we didn't have to do it alone. Thank you for loving us and being the hands and feet of Christ during this difficult time in our lives.
(I'll post about my hair soon.)
We met with my doctor again today, and she said that my tumor is "significantly more difficult to find." Yay! It is MUCH smaller, and we praise the Lord for that! Because we can see that my tumor is reacting to the chemo, we are going to assume that the other cells in my body that could have been sent out from my lymph node are reacting the same way. David and I were both thrilled with this news!
There are a few things that I would really appreciate your prayers for.
1-That my genetic testing results would come back negative. (We should have those before my next treatment.)
2-That my body would handle the chemo well again this time with minimal side effects.
3-That my body would handle the menopause shot well. This will be my second time getting that one, and the doctor said she would be surprised if I didn't have more of a reaction. I dread that, y'all. Hot flashes aren't fun, but I'm always hot, so that hasn't been too much of a big deal. I really don't want to have to deal with the tears and the crazy. (I'm sure David doesn't either. Ha!)
4-That the Lord would guard my children's hearts. I know this is so hard for them, and I just want them to feel somewhat normal in the midst of the craziness of life right now. They are going to the farm with my parents for a long weekend while I recover, and I know they will have fun. I will just miss them.
Y'all, thank you for loving us so well during this time. The meals have been AMAZING, and such a blessing to me. I've been able to focus on resting, helping with homework, and just spending more quality time with the kids because of y'all. The gift cards we have received have been amazing as well. We have gone on a family date already and it was great to be able to do so without worrying about money. Also, all your cards and notes have been such an encouragement to me. I feel so blessed to know that so many people are praying for my health and my family. It truly is carrying me through.
I find it hard to explain how hard this is. People have asked how I'm doing, and I can't say that everything is fine. It's not. This is hard. BUT...the Lord has been so good to me. Seeing and feeling the outpouring of love on our family is like nothing I have ever known. Also, the Lord has been answering so many of my "little" prayer requests. I can feel him moving in my life, and for that I am truly thankful. It gives me hope. I know this is just something we have to walk through, but I will always be eternally grateful that we didn't have to do it alone. Thank you for loving us and being the hands and feet of Christ during this difficult time in our lives.
(I'll post about my hair soon.)
Wednesday, February 8, 2017
This week
Well, this week has sort of gone by quickly. That's honestly an answer to prayer. David and I keep saying that time is going so SLOWLY! It feels like it's already been a year since Christmas, but that it's an eternity until next Christmas. Ha!
I had my second dose of AC chemo on Friday and I was asleep by 8:00 that night. Complete exhaustion. I was slightly better on Saturday. We were able to get out and run a few errands and then I was probably in bed by 9:30. I didn't go to first service at church, but I made it to second service. I did take a SERIOUS 3 hour nap on Sunday, but oh well. David took the girls to school Monday morning, but after that, things got back to normal. I went to work Tuesday, and I plan to go tomorrow as well. I still feel sick on and off, but I haven't actually gotten sick. Praise the Lord! Today is my first day off most of my anti-nausea meds, and that's been great. Today was also my first day since all this started to have a day of regular errands with sweet Henry.
We had to go to the ENT to check his ears after an ear infection last week. Then, we swung my Eatzi's because why not?! It was right there and I HAD to have some tiramisu. I can't wait to dive into that later tonight. Then, we went and got this hair cut in Snider Plaza. Conveniently, his little hair cut place is right across the street from Bubba's. So, we had a mommy and Henry date. I didn't realize how much I needed that. He literally talked the whole time, and I could not have been happier. Now, I need to find time this weekend to have a date with each of the girls. I think we all need it.
This week I feel ok physically, but I am struggling emotionally. I feel like so much has changed, and it is just so hard to keep up. My body feels different, my hair is certainly different, my relationships have changed. It is just so HARD! I wish the Lord would take this burden from our family, but I truly wouldn't wish it on anyone else. I know he has a plan, and I know he is walking right beside me. Without him, I have no idea how I would make it through each day. I have hope every single day. Hope of an eternity with Jesus. Hope of a cancer free body this year. Hope for our family to go back to a new normal soon. Hope for health and happiness. I know that God is with me. Please pray for me over the next few weeks as I try to adjust to this new phase of life. I have always been pretty perky. (I actually used that word to describe myself in a college entrance essay.) I can usually find the joy in most any situation. This new part of life is a little trickier than usual. I don't want to lose my joy, and I want to maintain my positive outlook. I will not let Satan have a victory in my life. He would not get a victory in my death (because I would be with Jesus), but I refuse to let him have a victory in my life. I will walk with the Lord no matter how hard it gets. I so covet your prayers though. I can feel them lift my spirits when I am down. Thank you for caring and for loving us so!
I had my second dose of AC chemo on Friday and I was asleep by 8:00 that night. Complete exhaustion. I was slightly better on Saturday. We were able to get out and run a few errands and then I was probably in bed by 9:30. I didn't go to first service at church, but I made it to second service. I did take a SERIOUS 3 hour nap on Sunday, but oh well. David took the girls to school Monday morning, but after that, things got back to normal. I went to work Tuesday, and I plan to go tomorrow as well. I still feel sick on and off, but I haven't actually gotten sick. Praise the Lord! Today is my first day off most of my anti-nausea meds, and that's been great. Today was also my first day since all this started to have a day of regular errands with sweet Henry.
We had to go to the ENT to check his ears after an ear infection last week. Then, we swung my Eatzi's because why not?! It was right there and I HAD to have some tiramisu. I can't wait to dive into that later tonight. Then, we went and got this hair cut in Snider Plaza. Conveniently, his little hair cut place is right across the street from Bubba's. So, we had a mommy and Henry date. I didn't realize how much I needed that. He literally talked the whole time, and I could not have been happier. Now, I need to find time this weekend to have a date with each of the girls. I think we all need it.
This week I feel ok physically, but I am struggling emotionally. I feel like so much has changed, and it is just so hard to keep up. My body feels different, my hair is certainly different, my relationships have changed. It is just so HARD! I wish the Lord would take this burden from our family, but I truly wouldn't wish it on anyone else. I know he has a plan, and I know he is walking right beside me. Without him, I have no idea how I would make it through each day. I have hope every single day. Hope of an eternity with Jesus. Hope of a cancer free body this year. Hope for our family to go back to a new normal soon. Hope for health and happiness. I know that God is with me. Please pray for me over the next few weeks as I try to adjust to this new phase of life. I have always been pretty perky. (I actually used that word to describe myself in a college entrance essay.) I can usually find the joy in most any situation. This new part of life is a little trickier than usual. I don't want to lose my joy, and I want to maintain my positive outlook. I will not let Satan have a victory in my life. He would not get a victory in my death (because I would be with Jesus), but I refuse to let him have a victory in my life. I will walk with the Lord no matter how hard it gets. I so covet your prayers though. I can feel them lift my spirits when I am down. Thank you for caring and for loving us so!
Friday, February 3, 2017
What else happened...
So, I left off with needing to get a biopsy. After the mammogram and sonogram were abnormal, they said I needed a biopsy. Because of the holidays, I couldn't get in to have that done until December 29th. David went with me this time, but he couldn't come back. I went back, got changed, and met a sweet Irish nurse. She took care of me and then the radiologist came back. He took 4 samples from the largest spot in my breast, and then 3 from my armpit. And, man alive, this HURT! The worst part was the shot they gave to deaden the area. Lord have mercy, it feels like they just stick you everywhere. I wasn't expecting that to hurt so much, but it did. I wasn't allowed to pick the kids up for a few days, and that was hard. I think this was the point that I think Annie figured something was off. She knew getting shots in my armpit was not normal and them having to be careful with me was also not normal. It was hard to watch her sweet face.
Since I got my biopsy on the 29th, we knew that it would be a while before we got the results. I forgot that Monday was a holiday. Grr! Well, we still didn't hear anything on Tuesday. On Wednesday, January 4th, Henry and I sat down to watch a cartoon after eating our breakfast. That's when my doctor called with the news. I know I've mentioned before that my doctor is wonderful, but she truly is. She called and cried with me and just couldn't believe it. She told me she would be praying for me and would help in anyway she could. I want you to know she truly has. I absolutely adore her.
Well, Henry knew something was wrong as he kept peeking at me from the couch. David had just gotten to work when I called to tell him, so he came straight home. Bless that man. We were kind of in a fog for the day, but things started coming together. We were able to get an appointment with a breast surgeon for the next day. Apparently, that's the first step after being diagnosed with breast cancer. We saw Dr. Carolyn Thomas, and she is great! She was very helpful in explaining things and she was ever so kind as she explained I would need chemo and my hair would fall out. Hearing that was extremely difficult for both of us. She ordered an MRI, CT scan, and a bone scan.
Let me just say that leaving all these appointments is so weird. The doctors give you all this information (that is probably the worst news you've ever gotten), and then they send you on your way. It's so strange.
So, next up was scans! I went to the hospital, checked in, and waited. First thing I had to do was get an IV. For some reason, I wasn't expecting this. I had been told that I'd have to drink stuff for the scans and basically do lots of sitting. I didn't think David needed to come, but he did, and I'm so glad! Getting that IV was hard for me. It was CRAZY taped to my arm, and I hated it.
Well, we sat for a couple hours after I drank a TON of stuff. First was the breast MRI. So weird, y'all! You have to lay on your tummy and there are spots for your breasts to go in. Again, weird. The great part was that I listened to music for part of it, and there were only 2 songs. The first song was the one that I walked down the aisle to at our wedding. "Word of God speak" by Mercy Me. Made me cry. Then, the last song I heard was "Jesus is coming soon." Hallelujah!
After the MRI was a quick CT scan. I had to be injected with iodine and that was strange, but otherwise easy. Then, the bone scan. That was relaxing. I just got to lay there. Why is it though, when you are told not to move, something automatically itches? Ha!
After all the scans, the next appointment was with the oncologist. I had to wait until the next day for results. I seriously carried my phone around ALL day. I was even going to answer in car line if she called. (Don't judge me!) But, she did call during car line and my stupid phone didn't even ring!!!! It's ok though. All the scans were clear. They told us all kinds of information, but none of it had to do with cancer! Praise the Lord! No cancer has spread!!! My surgeon called back the next day to explain everything, and we were both so glad for good news. David and I felt like this was the first time we had received good news. First huge answer to prayer in this whole process. There have been other answers to prayer, but that was the biggest and the first for me!
After scans, we met with the oncologist and got the plan started. I will do 4 rounds of AC and 12 rounds of Taxol. I'll be done in early June with chemo. (Hopefully.) Then, it's a double mastectomy, 6 weeks of radiation, and another reconstructive surgery. Basically, it will be a really LONG year! It's ok though. My doctor is treating me for cure, so that's all I need to know. I can do it!
Again, thanks for listening. I hope no one ever has to go through this. I just want to share so that I can always remember what we went through, and so that anyone else that may have questions can ask. As a woman and a mom, this is our worst nightmare. But, God is still good in the midst of the storm. I am thankful for good doctors, wonderful friends and family, answered prayers, and a husband that I could not possibly love more. Y'all, he is seriously the sweetest man alive! Thank you for praying for us.
Since I got my biopsy on the 29th, we knew that it would be a while before we got the results. I forgot that Monday was a holiday. Grr! Well, we still didn't hear anything on Tuesday. On Wednesday, January 4th, Henry and I sat down to watch a cartoon after eating our breakfast. That's when my doctor called with the news. I know I've mentioned before that my doctor is wonderful, but she truly is. She called and cried with me and just couldn't believe it. She told me she would be praying for me and would help in anyway she could. I want you to know she truly has. I absolutely adore her.
Well, Henry knew something was wrong as he kept peeking at me from the couch. David had just gotten to work when I called to tell him, so he came straight home. Bless that man. We were kind of in a fog for the day, but things started coming together. We were able to get an appointment with a breast surgeon for the next day. Apparently, that's the first step after being diagnosed with breast cancer. We saw Dr. Carolyn Thomas, and she is great! She was very helpful in explaining things and she was ever so kind as she explained I would need chemo and my hair would fall out. Hearing that was extremely difficult for both of us. She ordered an MRI, CT scan, and a bone scan.
Let me just say that leaving all these appointments is so weird. The doctors give you all this information (that is probably the worst news you've ever gotten), and then they send you on your way. It's so strange.
So, next up was scans! I went to the hospital, checked in, and waited. First thing I had to do was get an IV. For some reason, I wasn't expecting this. I had been told that I'd have to drink stuff for the scans and basically do lots of sitting. I didn't think David needed to come, but he did, and I'm so glad! Getting that IV was hard for me. It was CRAZY taped to my arm, and I hated it.
Well, we sat for a couple hours after I drank a TON of stuff. First was the breast MRI. So weird, y'all! You have to lay on your tummy and there are spots for your breasts to go in. Again, weird. The great part was that I listened to music for part of it, and there were only 2 songs. The first song was the one that I walked down the aisle to at our wedding. "Word of God speak" by Mercy Me. Made me cry. Then, the last song I heard was "Jesus is coming soon." Hallelujah!
After the MRI was a quick CT scan. I had to be injected with iodine and that was strange, but otherwise easy. Then, the bone scan. That was relaxing. I just got to lay there. Why is it though, when you are told not to move, something automatically itches? Ha!
After all the scans, the next appointment was with the oncologist. I had to wait until the next day for results. I seriously carried my phone around ALL day. I was even going to answer in car line if she called. (Don't judge me!) But, she did call during car line and my stupid phone didn't even ring!!!! It's ok though. All the scans were clear. They told us all kinds of information, but none of it had to do with cancer! Praise the Lord! No cancer has spread!!! My surgeon called back the next day to explain everything, and we were both so glad for good news. David and I felt like this was the first time we had received good news. First huge answer to prayer in this whole process. There have been other answers to prayer, but that was the biggest and the first for me!
After scans, we met with the oncologist and got the plan started. I will do 4 rounds of AC and 12 rounds of Taxol. I'll be done in early June with chemo. (Hopefully.) Then, it's a double mastectomy, 6 weeks of radiation, and another reconstructive surgery. Basically, it will be a really LONG year! It's ok though. My doctor is treating me for cure, so that's all I need to know. I can do it!
Again, thanks for listening. I hope no one ever has to go through this. I just want to share so that I can always remember what we went through, and so that anyone else that may have questions can ask. As a woman and a mom, this is our worst nightmare. But, God is still good in the midst of the storm. I am thankful for good doctors, wonderful friends and family, answered prayers, and a husband that I could not possibly love more. Y'all, he is seriously the sweetest man alive! Thank you for praying for us.
2 down, 2 to go
-The doctor seemed pleased with the way my body handled the first round of chemo.
-All my counts came back perfect. It doesn't even look like (on paper) that I've been through a round of chemo.
-The doctor also said that my tumor measured slightly SMALLER! Hallelujah! I'm sure it's not much of a difference and it could possibly be within the margin of error (David is an analyst and way more skeptical than me), but I am SO thankful that it wasn't bigger or even the same. The good news about that is that hopefully my tumor is reacting to the chemo, and that is the whole point.
As much as I hate doing this and being here, I am so thankful for a good appointment and a good reaction. Hopefully all this chemo will kill more and more of the cancer and then we can get it out soon.
Today, I'm getting my hair cut. Whew, talk about an emotional day. I am SO dreading that, but at the same time, I know it will be one less thing to dread. I showed the kids my wig yesterday. Henry was completely uninterested and kept playing with his toys. Ha! The girls actually really liked it. I could see the relief on their faces and that made me feel so much better. I don't know exactly what they were expecting, but what they saw was way better. Thank goodness. My sweet friend Anita is doing my hair today and David and my sisters will be there. I know it won't be fun, but as long as I can get better for my kids and family then it will be completely worth it.
I have no idea why the Lord has us on this path right now, but I do know that He is faithful. I know that He is walking with me and carrying us through this. I know that he will protect my children's sweet hearts and show them that while the world may look at our outside appearance, the Lord looks at our heart. (1 Samuel 16:7) I know that he will protect my heart from fear and doubt, and I know that I will continue to live a life that is (hopefully) glorifying to Him.
Psalm 91 came to mind as I sit here...
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." Surely he will save you from the fowlers snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night..."Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me , and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation."
I know that this verse does not mean that my life will be perfect or that the Lord will do whatever I want him to and just take all this sickness from me. I do know that I will trust him either way, and I find so much comfort as I rest under his wings. He is able to do more than I could ever imagine, and for that I will always be thankful.
Thank you for loving us through this difficult time and for praying. I will forever be grateful for each of you as well.
Getting ready for the red devil...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)