The last few weeks have gone really well. I am tired and very often forgetful, but otherwise feeling pretty good. My hair should start growing in soon but not entirely until I am done with treatment. My eyelashes and eyebrows are starting to get thinner. I'm really excited to try the Rodan and Fields eyelash extender thingy. (Obviously, I'm a ringing endorsement for their products. Ha!) My nails have so far stayed pretty normal, and I'm glad about that. I've got all kinds of fun symptoms, but the worst really is the indigestion. I've had a few episodes of that since my trip to the ER and it's not fun. I have a prescription now in case it continues, but I think I'll stick with Tums for the time being. I'm also fairly dizzy. I'm not sure why, but it's not too terrible most of the time. I'm just ready to be done and get all this junk out of my system.
We meet with the oncologist again on the 27th and the surgeon on May 1st. I am SO excited to talk to both of them and get the ball rolling on my surgery. I'm not looking forward to that at all, but the sooner it's over, the better.
Please pray for strength so that I can continue to be able to participate in life with my family throughout the rest of chemo. I am so thankful to do all the little things again. Please also continue to pray that this nasty cancer would be completely gone and that it would never come back.
On a side note, today was a little out of the ordinary for Henry and me. We met my grandpa, parents, and sister at Mamaw's grave this morning and then had lunch. This Sunday is "decoration day" at the cemetary. Papaw doesn't like crowds, so we met there today and put some new flowers out.
I didn't get too teary or upset while we were there. Whenever I'm at Mamaw's grave, I really can't stop thinking about how happy she must be in Heaven. I don't feel super sad there. I know she's frying okra for her daddy and playing volleyball with her best friend, Irene. I can only imagine how much fun she's having with Jesus and her family. I'm not ready to go yet, but I long for the day when I can hug her again and hear her call me "babe."
Driving home from Lewisville is when I got teary. I remember so well all the times driving up to see Mamaw and Papaw. When we saw the pine trees on 35 in Lewisville, we always knew we were halfway there. Sometimes we'd meet Mamaw and Papaw at Braum's in Lewisville, so the pine trees sometimes meant that we were about to see them.
I miss her so much. I know she would have been an absolute MESS with my cancer. She would have just sat around and worried all the time. For that, I'm glad she's not here. But, I do know that she would have let me cry at her kitchen table and told me everything would be alright. She was SO good at loving me where I was. In junior high she would listen to me talk about how awful my parents were. (Sorry mom and dad! Ha!) She never got on to me. She just let me talk. She never said bad things about my parents in those moments either. She just listened. She listened in high school when I would talk about boys and friends, and in college when I would talk about David and teaching. She was in town a few days before my wedding, and I cherish the memories we made those days. Shopping and running errands. She hated the way I spent money (she was a saver and I am NOT), but she was always giving me just a little to go out to dinner or buy a coke. Once I had babies she LOVED to take me shopping to buy clothes for them. We always had the best time. The last time she did that, she went into Carter's and told a sales associate that she needed a chair and a toy so she could hold Henry while we shopped. It was hysterical.
Really, I just miss the way she loved me. She never ever tried to change who I was. She never told me I should be quieter or more submissive. She would tell me stories about how she would buy a pair of shoes and keep them in her car for a few days. That way, when Papaw found them and was upset, she could honestly say they weren't new. Y'all, she was a mess. She liked it when I was silly and loud. She encouraged my independence, and LOVED that I was a teacher. She and Papaw came to my classroom once a year to surprise me. She wanted the best for me and my family. I miss her everyday.
I know she'd be worried sick if she were here on earth. But since I know there isn't worry in heaven, I hope she's just proud. I hope she can see how I love my family as much as she did, and that I try to love others as Jesus would want me to. I hope she can see that I'm just as silly and loud and hard headed as I was when she was here. I won't let cancer steal my joy. Mamaw wasn't perfect. Only Jesus can say He was. He will be my role model in life. I will try to think and act the way He would want me to. I'm just so thankful that I got even a little of Mamaw's spunk to throw in there. Hopefully my okra and cherry pie are just like hers too.
Thank you for listening and allowing me to reminisce. Some days are more emotional than others. Today is a day I miss someone who loved me so well, and who had a huge part in making me who I am today. Thank you for that, Mamaw. I will love you forever!
EDIT: I was thinking about this after I posted, and I hope I don't imply that being quiet and submissive is a bad thing! That is just not naturally who I am. I'm just loud and stubborn. :) I have lots to work on to be more like Jesus, but I'm thankful for a grandma who loved me as I am.
