First of all, I am doing well. Thank you, thank you for praying!! My scars are healing nicely and I hardly hurt at all. I've been able to start working out again, and that feels great. I actually just finished running 1.6 miles and I'm a sweaty mess. It feels great though. (I NEVER thought I'd say those words. Ha!) I've lost 11 pounds since surgery in June. Praise the Lord!! The last time I met with my oncologist, she told me that since I'm in menopause now, I'll probably only be able to lose 1 pound per month. Well, I should I have told her to hide and watch. Hehe. Have I mentioned I don't like being told what to do?! I'm eating better and working out, and I am determined to be down 10 pounds when I see her on December 2nd. I only need to lose 3 more pounds. Thanksgiving might throw a wrench in my plans, but that's ok. A little pecan pie might be worth it. Ha! Anyway, I'm feeling great! I have an appointment with my plastic surgeon a week from today, and I'm looking forward to that. Please pray that I would be calm for my last surgery. I'm SO excited to be done, but I'm a little anxious about it. I'm ready to have these tissue expanders OUT, but I have no idea what it will feel like to have implants. (I don't mean that as a slam for anyone that has them, I just literally don't know what it will feel like. I have lots of scar tissue and need to keep stretching to continue to heal. I just don't know how implants will make all that feel. Hopefully better.)
The kids are doing great. We had conferences with the girls' teachers last week, and they are both doing really well in school. We are so proud of them. I'm SO thankful for your prayers that the Lord would guard their hearts. This year has been so difficult, but I am so proud of how they have handled it. Henry is still absolutely precious and just the sweetest little cuddle bug. (I'm sure he will love reading that sentence someday when he's a teenager.) They all make me so proud to be their mom. I'm so thankful the Lord has given me that opportunity.
Now, on to my comment about coincidences. This week has just been so eye opening for me, and it's only Tuesday. I'm doing a Priscila Shirer bible study called "Discerning the Voice of God." It is absolutely amazing!!
This week in the video section, she talked about being in the desert. Well, I feel like that has been where we have been in 2017. It has just been such a hard year. Chemo, radiation, surgeries, baldness....you name it. It's been so very hard. But she said last night, "The key to seeing God's plan while in the desert is to take your attention off of the circumstances and place them on God's presence in the circumstances." HELLO! That is such an encouragement to me. This year has been SO hard, but God has been OH SO GOOD! Seriously, I've heard his voice and seen his fingerprints all over the place. A lot of times, that has been through you. Please know that every kind comment, prayer, and every meal has shown me the love of God. Thank you for being his hands and feet. But, it's still hard. Priscila talked last night about the burning bush that Moses saw. I don't know how many times David and I have talked this year about wanting to know what it is that God wants us to do, and how much easier it would be if we could have something like a burning bush. Last night Priscila said that "God manifests his presence in the desert." She also said that "bushes don't burn in palaces. They burn in deserts." Hello again! That's where we are, and I'm so thankful for her encouragement. Do you think it was a coincidence that I'm doing this Bible study right at this time? I don't. Our women's ministry at church is doing it, and they meet on Monday nights. Well, Monday was the only night, this semester, that we didn't have some type of activity. So, I decided that I needed to be home with my family. Well, my best friend at church lives farther away and couldn't come in on Mondays either. So, guess what GOD did? Our women's ministry leader bought another set of CD's to go with the book and my friend and I are doing the study together. We watch the videos on our own and then discuss them on Wednesdays before Awana. The Lord knew we'd both need it, and he worked it out and carved out a time for us to do it together. I truly don't think that was a coincidence. It was a miracle, actually. (For 2 moms with 7 kids between us, seriously, a miracle.) Maybe God knew that I'd have to walk through the desert to see his presence more fully. If I was comfortable in my life, I don't think I would have seen it as clearly.
Today, I did some reading in the study about Esther. I actually read about lots of people God used in scripture, but the one that stood out to me the most today was Esther. I read Esther 4:10-14. Just 4 verses. Basically, the king had issued a verdict to get rid of all the Jews. Esther was the queen, but she was also a Jew. Esther's cousin Mordecai wanted her to go see the king about this edict. It was dangerous for Esther to go. She could have been put to death for approaching the king without being summoned. I can imagine that she was afraid. But, Mordecai said to her, "Do not think that because you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to a royal position for such a time as this?" I know these verses may not mean much to you. I've read them before, but today they amazed me. First of all, they tell us that God is going to save his people one way or another. Mordecai is sure of it. If he doesn't use Esther, he'll use someone else. What faith! Also, Esther could have kept her head down. She could have just stayed safe and comfortable in the house of the king. How many times have we done that? How many times have we enjoyed God's blessing and mercy and kept it to ourselves because we were afraid? People might think we are weird or crazy. I know I've felt that way. But, Esther was so BRAVE. Her courage and bravery saved an entire race of people! If God can do that through her, couldn't he do that through us? I'm not saying we will all save an entire race of people, but we sure won't do anything at all if we keep God's blessings and love to ourselves.
I absolutely do not think that today's Bible study was a coincidence. What does God want to do with this cancer journey? If I keep my thoughts to myself, his mercy will only reign in my life. I want his love and mercy and faithfulness and goodness to be in your life as well.
My kids go to Awana and choir every Wednesday night. Henry and I go to choir. He is going to be Joseph in our Christmas production this year, and I can't even describe how precious he will be. We are working on memorizing the verse of Genesis 1:31. "God saw everything he had made, and it was very good." The girls work on new verses each week. The last 2 weeks, Charlotte has been working on memorizing Psalm 23. For a 6 year old, it's a long Psalm and she's needed some help each week. Today I was reading a book about World War 2. (Don't be impressed....it's a Christian historical fiction book about a family during WW2.) Anyway, someone dies, and they quote Psalm 23. I was struck anew with God's love in that passage. Is it a coincidence that I keep coming across Psalm 23? Nope. It's God's reminder to me that he has walked through this desert with me.
"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil. My cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." Psalm 23.
I know today's post might sound preachy. Honestly, I'm impressed if you're read this far. :) I just want you to be encouraged if you are walking in a desert like us. God is still there. He's still walking with you. He's using this difficult time to strengthen our character and get us ready for the next chapter he has for us in life. He wants us to be brave and share his love with others. He wants to use each and every one of his followers to show his love to those that don't have it. To change an entire generation. We can be strong and courageous because he is always with us. (Joshua 1:9) Look around you today and ask God to show you the things He has for you. They aren't coincidences. They are his hand moving around you. Don't miss it.
If you ever want to talk about any of this or have questions, please leave me a comment. Send me a message on facebook. Call me if you have my number. I'd love to talk to you about how good God is, even in the desert. If you are looking for a Bible study, go get "Discerning the Voice of God." If you can't afford it, let me know and I'll send it to you. It will change your life. God is so good.
I love each one of you reading and I'm praying for you today. I pray you would see God's hand in your life. Even if it's in the desert. Thank you for lifting us up this year. We still appreciate your prayers, and your kind words mean the world to us. I'll keep you posted as surgery gets closer.
