DONE!!!

I am DONE!! I seriously can't believe I just typed that. It seems like forever ago that I was diagnosed with breast cancer, but it also seems like just yesterday. I'm sorry for the delay in updating. I've had my final surgery and my final doctor appointment of the year, and I am feeling GREAT! Let me give you an update....

First, I met with my oncologist on December 4th. That was exactly 11 months since I was diagnosed. It was a great appointment. She told me to "go live my life." It felt amazing. I still have to take a pill everyday for the next 10 years, but after all I've gone through this year, that seems like such a breeze. She told me a few things I can do to try and keep the cancer from coming back (exercise, eat healthier, lose weight, take Vitamin D), but otherwise, we are just going to pray that every single cancer cell is gone and that the Lord never allows them to come back. I'll still praise him either way, but my hope is that I get to live a long and healthy life with my family, and that 2017 is the only time I have to walk down this road. It's been a brutal year, but God has been so good.
Ok, back to the doctor. Sorry, I get distracted. Ha! She said everything looked good in my bloodwork and that I was healing great. There are no worries at this point, and I will just go see her every 3 months for 2 years. Then, it's every 4 months for a year, and then every 6 months for 2 years. Finally, it will just be once a year. Yay!

The Friday of that week, I had my LAST surgery of 2017. Hallelujah! I think this surgery was harder than I expected, but it still went well. I was extremely frustrated the morning of the surgery because my vein blew. It's the first time that that's happened, and that nurse was not my favorite. Sorry. I was just really hoping that I wouldn't have to get poked anymore this year. The anesthesiologist and surgeon came back shortly after she put the IV in, and David pointed out to them that my arm was already swelling. They didn't like it either and said they'd give me a new IV once we were in the operating room. So, I was awake when we went back and had to have some gas while they put the new IV in. After that, I don't remember much. I woke up a few hours later asking David to take me to New York. Have I mentioned that I'm hoping that 2018 will be a year of traveling for us?!

I was actually really sick after waking up from this surgery which was SO not fun. Thankfully I was able to get in the car and come home to sleep a little more. After I woke up from my nap, I felt sore but much better. The kids came home from school to see me for a bit, and then went to the farm with Dee and Pete for the weekend. It was great to recover at home with David and not have anything looming ahead for this year. The surgeon did a little liposuction on my stomach (don't get excited ladies, it wasn't much, and it's not noticeable), and MAN, that hurts. Last night was the first night I rolled over in bed and didn't cringe from the pain. That was probably the most painful part of this surgery.

I can't even describe how good it feels to be done. Some days I want to dance and laugh and others I want to cry. I just can't believe it's finally over. I don't really think it's sunk in yet. It's just fabulous! Everything went well during surgery. I met with the plastic surgeon today and he seems pleased. I still have some swelling that may take a few months to finally settle down, but that is apparently normal. He doesn't see any additional surgeries that are needed at this point, and I am so grateful for that!

This next year I will have TONS of check ups with 5 different doctors, but every time I get my credit card out to pay that $35 copay, I am going to thank God that I get to pay. This year, I haven't paid for any appointments since March because chemo was so expensive. I met my out of pocket max in March. Yipes! It might be annoying to pay that $35, but I will be so thankful that I get to because that means I haven't maxed out on chemo. Praise the Lord!

I don't think I can express my gratitude to those of you reading this post. Truly, your prayers and kind words this year have carried me through. This was the hardest year I have ever had to endure. It was difficult for me, for David, for our children, and for our families. Cancer affected the way I felt, looked, acted, and just almost

everything about me. I hate it, but I will always be grateful for this year. This year taught me so much about the goodness of God. It taught me so much about myself and my marriage. I have never ever loved David like I do now. (And for those of you that know me, I've loved him for a very long time.) He has protected me and cared for me in ways I never thought he would have to this year. He is such a gift to me. This year reminded me about my amazing family. Our extended family has stepped in the gaps for us this year and taken care of us. They've done our laundry, paid to have our house cleaned, cooked for us, and watched and encouraged my children. I could never repay them in a million years. This year has taught me what wonderful friends we have. Y'all, seriously, the people in our lives are amazing. Thank you for watching our kids, making us meals, and just being so extraordinarily kind this year. I could never thank you enough.

Mostly though, this year has reminded me about how awesome God is. I've been a Christian most of my life, but this year has changed my relationship with the Lord in profound ways. I can feel him carrying me through this dark valley of a year, I can hear his still soft voice in times of frustration, and I have watched him protect the hearts of my children. He has been so good to me. He has surrounded me with a church family that has been absolutely amazing, and he's showered me with his love in big and small ways. I will always remember 2017 as a year of difficulty, but also as a year where I saw God show up in countless ways. 

The past few days I have enjoyed being with my kids. (As we speak, they are playing the Wii and fighting with each other....oh, the joys. Ha!) We've had Christmas performances, piano recitals, family shopping days, and today we spent the day with our cousins. We went to a movie, had lunch, and decorated cookies. I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am for these wonderful moments with my family. I am soaking up every single moment this Christmas season, and I will always be so grateful for this time with my family. Thank you for praying for me this year. Thank you for loving me through this dark time, and thank you for always being such an encouragement to me. I will keep updating. I am here if you every have a question about breast cancer or need advice. And, I am more than happy to talk to you about the Lord. If you're going through a time when you can't hear him or you are mad at him, that's ok. I've felt that too. I would love to just encourage you to keep pressing into him. Keep seeking him, and he WILL show up. It's not always in the ways we want him to, but I promise he will never leave you. This year is a testament to that. He never once left me.

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a very happy New Year! I will celebrate every moment with my family and soak up all these sweet times. And, 2018 will be a year of healing, celebration, and hopefully lots of travel. I love you all and I will always be so thankful for your loving kindness this year!

 Here are the cousins getting ready to play at the piano recital. Henry was there, but I have no idea what he was doing during this picture. (PS- they all did such a great job!)

 We decorated the tree after Henry's Christmas performance (as Joseph) and the girls' recital. Perfect day for sure.

 This was us today watching "The Star." Henry and George are on the far left of the picture, but you can't see them. They were there though. Ha!

 All 6 of the older cousins playing before lunch.

This was my LAST parking ticket thingy from Presby Dallas this year. Hallelujah!! No more appointments. No more questions, and no more black cloud hanging over my head. Here's to 2018!!

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile." Romans 1:16

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Romans 8:18

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the face marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Herbrews 12:1-3
I hope I was able to live this out well this year.

These are just a few of the verses that the Lord has encouraged me with this year. Honestly, his word has been like a balm to my wounded body and soul. This week I am really excited about the story of Jesus' birth. I won't type it all out, but I love it. My favorite verse in the story is:

"But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." Luke 2:19

Obviously, I am in a very different situation from Mary, but I still can relate to her sweet mother's heart. I feel like I am treasuring up all of the things going on right now. I will forever be grateful to God for his love and mercy. Merry Christmas, friends! May you experience the love and joy that Christ offers in a new way this Christmas season.

Update

Hello friends!
Thank you for praying. I wanted to let you know that Volker went home to be with the Lord. He is no longer suffering, and he is celebrating with Jesus. It's so hard for those of us left behind, but Volker is healthy and happy again. Please continue to pray for his wife, Michelle, and his daughters, Ana and Ericka. They are truly the sweetest people, and I know the next few weeks and months are going to be difficult for them.

Also, that sweet little girl, Lily is doing much better! She is off the ventilator and responding well. She's still got a long road ahead to a full recovery, but it seems like she should be able to recover. Praise the Lord!

Thank you for praying. Thank you for loving people even if you don't know them. Like I said before, this world is so hard. It's so hard to imagine being without our loved ones. But, I know that God's plan is bigger and better than ours. He loves us infinitely more than we could ever imagine. I'm so thankful for a God who intervened on our behalf so we could spend eternity with him. I can't imagine going through life without that hope. If you don't have that hope, please feel free to reach out to me. I'd be happy to talk to you about it anytime.

I had a successful surgery last Friday, and I'm recovering well. I promise to update soon. Thank you for praying, and for being so kind this year. Love you, friends!

5, not 4

Hello friends! I had a GREAT appointment yesterday with my oncologist. I have all kinds of great things to tell you, but today my heart is heavy. I will totally fill y'all in about me, but today, I am asking (really begging) for prayers for my friend.

This year, 5 people in my church have been diagnosed with cancer. Now, that may not seem like a big number to you, but for our small church, it's HUGE! We have all fought this year with the strength and support of our church family. Today, I'm asking for you to pray one of the five of us:  my friend, Volker.

I have had the privilege of knowing him and his sweet family for years. I was a leader in the youth group when his girls were in high school, and I'm so blessed to call them friends now. Volker had a successful bone marrow transplant this summer after battling cancer, but now he is struggling with several infections. He's lost a ton of weight and is very weak. They did a biopsy on his lungs today, and they need answers. Please pray they are able to figure out what's going on so they can treat him. Volker is a fighter, but he needs strength. He's in ICU on a ventilator, and they need to figure out what's going on and get him on the path to recovery. 

In these types of situations, we always want to step in and help in some way. There are a few things we can do, but really, we need to pray. This is how we can really help right now. They have close family and friends around them to help in the other ways, but they desperately need prayer. Please pray for quick and definitive results from the biopsy. Pray they can treat whatever is going on. And, pray for strength for Volker to fight, and for his girls to fight right alongside him. 

We started 2017 with 5 people battling cancer. We've all fought hard and endured this year. I'd like to end 2017 with all 5 of us still fighting. I'd like for all 5 of our families to look to 2018 as a year of healing and better times ahead. Please pray that this sweet family would get to celebrate Christmas together and look forward to next year as a year of healing and celebration. 

I also have another prayer request. Goodness, I seem kinda bossy today. Sorry about that. There is a sweet family at my girls' school who is going through a difficult time as well. Their youngest daughter, Lily, was found in a pool this weekend. They have meet with the neurologist, and they are hopeful that she can make a great recovery. Please pray that the Lord would heal her brain and anything else that was harmed. Pray that she would start recognizing family and begin her road to recovery. 

Thank you for praying for Lily and Volker. I can't even imagine what their families are going through. This world can be so hard sometimes, but I'm thankful to serve and pray to a God that has overcome the world. I'll post an update on my last surgery this week, and I will keep you posted on these two sweet people. 

"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

Coincidence?

Do you believe in coincidences? I don't. I believe in the will of God. Let me tell you what's going on with me right now, and then I'll explain what I'm talking about.

First of all, I am doing well. Thank you, thank you for praying!! My scars are healing nicely and I hardly hurt at all. I've been able to start working out again, and that feels great. I actually just finished running 1.6 miles and I'm a sweaty mess. It feels great though. (I NEVER thought I'd say those words. Ha!) I've lost 11 pounds since surgery in June. Praise the Lord!! The last time I met with my oncologist, she told me that since I'm in menopause now, I'll probably only be able to lose 1 pound per month. Well, I should I have told her to hide and watch. Hehe. Have I mentioned I don't like being told what to do?! I'm eating better and working out, and I am determined to be down 10 pounds when I see her on December 2nd. I only need to lose 3 more pounds. Thanksgiving might throw a wrench in my plans, but that's ok. A little pecan pie might be worth it. Ha! Anyway, I'm feeling great! I have an appointment with my plastic surgeon a week from today, and I'm looking forward to that. Please pray that I would be calm for my last surgery. I'm SO excited to be done, but I'm a little anxious about it. I'm ready to have these tissue expanders OUT, but I have no idea what it will feel like to have implants. (I don't mean that as a slam for anyone that has them, I just literally don't know what it will feel like. I have lots of scar tissue and need to keep stretching to continue to heal. I just don't know how implants will make all that feel. Hopefully better.)

The kids are doing great. We had conferences with the girls' teachers last week, and they are both doing really well in school. We are so proud of them. I'm SO thankful for your prayers that the Lord would guard their hearts. This year has been so difficult, but I am so proud of how they have handled it. Henry is still absolutely precious and just the sweetest little cuddle bug. (I'm sure he will love reading that sentence someday when he's a teenager.) They all make me so proud to be their mom. I'm so thankful the Lord has given me that opportunity.

Now, on to my comment about coincidences. This week has just been so eye opening for me, and it's only Tuesday. I'm doing a Priscila Shirer bible study called "Discerning the Voice of God." It is absolutely amazing!!

This week in the video section, she talked about being in the desert. Well, I feel like that has been where we have been in 2017. It has just been such a hard year. Chemo, radiation, surgeries, baldness....you name it. It's been so very hard. But she said last night, "The key to seeing God's plan while in the desert is to take your attention off of the circumstances and place them on God's presence in the circumstances." HELLO! That is such an encouragement to me. This year has been SO hard, but God has been OH SO GOOD! Seriously, I've heard his voice and seen his fingerprints all over the place. A lot of times, that has been through you. Please know that every kind comment, prayer, and every meal has shown me the love of God. Thank you for being his hands and feet. But, it's still hard. Priscila talked last night about the burning bush that Moses saw. I don't know how many times David and I have talked this year about wanting to know what it is that God wants us to do, and how much easier it would be if we could have something like a burning bush. Last night Priscila said that "God manifests his presence in the desert." She also said that "bushes don't burn in palaces. They burn in deserts." Hello again! That's where we are, and I'm so thankful for her encouragement. Do you think it was a coincidence that I'm doing this Bible study right at this time? I don't. Our women's ministry at church is doing it, and they meet on Monday nights. Well, Monday was the only night, this semester, that we didn't have some type of activity. So, I decided that I needed to be home with my family. Well, my best friend at church lives farther away and couldn't come in on Mondays either. So, guess what GOD did? Our women's ministry leader bought another set of CD's to go with the book and my friend and I are doing the study together. We watch the videos on our own and then discuss them on Wednesdays before Awana. The Lord knew we'd both need it, and he worked it out and carved out a time for us to do it together. I truly don't think that was a coincidence. It was a miracle, actually. (For 2 moms with 7 kids between us, seriously, a miracle.) Maybe God knew that I'd have to walk through the desert to see his presence more fully. If I was comfortable in my life, I don't think I would have seen it as clearly.

Today, I did some reading in the study about Esther. I actually read about lots of people God used in scripture, but the one that stood out to me the most today was Esther. I read Esther 4:10-14. Just 4 verses. Basically, the king had issued a verdict to get rid of all the Jews. Esther was the queen, but she was also a Jew. Esther's cousin Mordecai wanted her to go see the king about this edict. It was dangerous for Esther to go. She could have been put to death for approaching the king without being summoned. I can imagine that she was afraid. But, Mordecai said to her, "Do not think that because you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to a royal position for such a time as this?"  I know these verses may not mean much to you. I've read them before, but today they amazed me. First of all, they tell us that God is going to save his people one way or another. Mordecai is sure of it. If he doesn't use Esther, he'll use someone else. What faith! Also, Esther could have kept her head down. She could have just stayed safe and comfortable in the house of the king. How many times have we done that? How many times have we enjoyed God's blessing and mercy and kept it to ourselves because we were afraid? People might think we are weird or crazy. I know I've felt that way. But, Esther was so BRAVE. Her courage and bravery saved an entire race of people! If God can do that through her, couldn't he do that through us? I'm not saying we will all save an entire race of people, but we sure won't do anything at all if we keep God's blessings and love to ourselves.

I absolutely do not think that today's Bible study was a coincidence. What does God want to do with this cancer journey? If I keep my thoughts to myself, his mercy will only reign in my life. I want his love and mercy and faithfulness and goodness to be in your life as well.

My kids go to Awana and choir every Wednesday night. Henry and I go to choir. He is going to be Joseph in our Christmas production this year, and I can't even describe how precious he will be. We are working on memorizing the verse of Genesis 1:31. "God saw everything he had made, and it was very good." The girls work on new verses each week. The last 2 weeks, Charlotte has been working on memorizing Psalm 23. For a 6 year old, it's a long Psalm and she's needed some help each week. Today I was reading a book about World War 2. (Don't be impressed....it's a Christian historical fiction book about a family during WW2.) Anyway, someone dies, and they quote Psalm 23. I was struck anew with God's love in that passage. Is it a coincidence that I keep coming across Psalm 23? Nope. It's God's reminder to me that he has walked through this desert with me.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil. My cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." Psalm 23.

I know today's post might sound preachy. Honestly, I'm impressed if you're read this far. :) I just want you to be encouraged if you are walking in a desert like us. God is still there. He's still walking with you. He's using this difficult time to strengthen our character and get us ready for the next chapter he has for us in life. He wants us to be brave and share his love with others. He wants to use each and every one of his followers to show his love to those that don't have it. To change an entire generation. We can be strong and courageous because he is always with us. (Joshua 1:9) Look around you today and ask God to show you the things He has for you. They aren't coincidences. They are his hand moving around you. Don't miss it.

If you ever want to talk about any of this or have questions, please leave me a comment. Send me a message on facebook. Call me if you have my number. I'd love to talk to you about how good God is, even in the desert. If you are looking for a Bible study, go get "Discerning the Voice of God." If you can't afford it, let me know and I'll send it to you. It will change your life. God is so good.

I love each one of you reading and I'm praying for you today. I pray you would see God's hand in your life. Even if it's in the desert. Thank you for lifting us up this year. We still appreciate your prayers, and your kind words mean the world to us. I'll keep you posted as surgery gets closer.

Recovering Well

Hello friends!
I hope you are all doing well, and that everyone had a fantastic Halloween yesterday. We were SO thrilled that it didn't rain all evening so we could go trick or treating. Henry already asked me this morning when the next Halloween was. My kids loved every minute, and I have to say that I did too. I love getting out and seeing my neighbors and all the precious kids running up and down the street. Their joy is contagious!

I wanted to thank you for your prayers for my surgery. Everything went really well. I had the surgery done at a surgery center in the hospital. After everything we've been through this year, I hadn't been in that part of the hospital, but I LOVED it. The nurses were absolutely fantastic and it was just super nice. My IV went in well, and I'm SO glad to only have one more of those this year, hopefully.

I'm almost 2 weeks out, and I still have a little soreness. The recovery was a little more difficult than I thought, but it was still easier than a C-section. I have 3 scars on my tummy. (Don't worry--I will most assuredly not be sharing pictures. Ha!) The scar on my right side is about 10 mm and the one on my left is half that. Then, I have one in my belly button. It's been kinda tricky to find comfy clothes that don't hit right where they aren't supposed to. I'm feeling much better though.

I did have a tough week last week. I had an infusion of a drug called Zometa. It's a drug that's been recently approved by the FDA to strengthen bones before bone density loss. The new pill I'm taking can cause bone density loss. I was expecting a headache or some mild bone pain, but I truly felt like I was dying of the flu. My entire body just hurt and I could hardly get out of bed. I'm so thankful for a kind husband who will step in during unexpected things like that. And, all our friends were so wonderful too. I'm glad that's over. I didn't really have a peace about that drug, so I was frustrated that I took it. But, after meeting with my breast surgeon this week, I think I will continue taking it. It's only once every 6 months for 2 years. (3 more treatments) Apparently, I'm at a greater risk for the cancer coming back in my bones. She said since I'm so young, the cancer is so hormonally driven, and because some of the cells were particularly nasty, it increases my risk. This medicine will help strengthen my bones and try to keep the cancer out. Please pray that it does. Please pray that this is the last year I have to battle this awful disease. If it comes back, I know the Lord will walk with me through this process again, but I just hope it doesn't. I do know that David and I have done everything we can to keep it from happening. At least I won't have to worry about doing something different.

I have about 5 1/2 weeks until my LAST surgery. I seriously CANNOT wait! These expanders are super uncomfortable, and I am ready to just be done with everything. I am so excited about Christmas this year. I feel like I didn't truly get to celebrate Christmas last year. I went through the motions because of my children, but I had a dark cloud hanging over me. I am ready to celebrate this year though. I may or may not have turned on Christmas music today now that Halloween is over. (Just don't tell David. He's a purist and only listens to Christmas music after Thanksgiving. Not me, and definitely not this year. Ha!)

We've been busy around here, so I'll include a few pictures at the end of this post. I hope you are all doing well as well. I hope Halloween was fun, and that you spend the next few weeks leading up to Thanksgiving giving thanks for the many blessings the Lord has bestowed on us. Please know that I thank God for every single one of you reading this blog. You have prayed for me this year and been the hands and feet of Jesus to me and my family. There aren't words to express how thankful I am for you. Enjoy every minute of the holidays this year. I know I will. I will soak in the joy of my children, the love of my family and friends, and the miracle of the birth and life of Christ. If you need a church to visit over the holidays, there is always a seat next to me at North Highlands Bible Church. :) I hope you all have a wonderful rest of the week, and I promise to update soon about my next surgery.

Last Friday, we celebrated 3 years in heaven for my Mamaw. I miss her everyday, but I know she's so much happier there.

David and the kids carved pumpkins.

I took the kids to get ice cream this week after school. Then, we went to Crate & Barrel and helped Aunt Martie register for her wedding. SO FUN!

Dee had a birthday on Sunday, and we all celebrated together. All the grandbabies were there. They are the sweetest!

Trick or treating with friends. I had Little Red Riding Hood, Hermoine (from Harry Potter), and Batman. I love these kids!

One down (almost), one to go!

Hey friends and family!
I need your prayers again tomorrow. I am having surgery to remove my fallopian tubes and my ovaries tomorrow at 11:30. I check in at 10:30. I would SO appreciate prayers for peace and comfort for David and me. I haven't been worried at all this week, but it's after midnight and my mind is still going. I'm ready for this to be over. I would also love prayers for an easy procedure with no complications, and that the doctors would be skilled and aware. I spoke with the anesthesiologist tonight, and he is so kind. I am fairly certain that he was my doctor when I delivered Henry. I'm glad that there will be many familiar faces in the operating room tomorrow. (Have I mentioned that everyone at Presby has been amazing?!)

This procedure is supposed to be pretty quick with an easy-ish recovery. I figure that I've had 3 c-sections and a double mastectomy...this HAS to be an easier recovery, right?! Ha! Please pray that I would be able to get back to normal fairly quickly. Annie has a game at one on Saturday, and I'd love to go. David says that we will see...I know I'm being overly ambitious, but I hate missing stuff like that.

Thank you for praying for us this whole year. I truly cannot explain how much it has lifted my spirits, and made a difference in my life. Every time I am nervous about something, y'all step in and pray, and I literally can feel the weight come off my shoulders.

Tomorrow will be one more thing to cross off our list, and then it's only one more surgery. I dread the IV and coming out of anesthesia, but I am ready to lay on the couch and watch Netflix tomorrow afternoon. Yay! Thank you for loving us and being such an encouragement to us. I hope everyone has a fabulous Friday!

The pill...

I thought I'd grab your attention with the title of this post. The pill you are thinking of is no longer a part of my life. Hehe.

I am on a pill though. This new pill is a hormone blocker that I will be on for the next 10 years. (At least) I started it last week after meeting with my oncologist. My appointment was great, and Dr. McIntyre seemed to think everything is going well. This pill is probably the most important part of my treatment. Because hormones help my cancer grow, this pill should hopefully keep that from happening. I was really nervous about our appointment because there is a medicine called Tamoxifen that I thought I was going to have to be on. (There are TONS of women on this drug and that is so great. I don't mean to imply that they shouldn't be at all.) I just didn't have a peace about it for me, and I was really hoping to avoid it. Well, since I'm having surgery on the 20th, Dr. McIntyre went ahead and started me on a different drug. Yay! Tamoxifen is for women who have not gone through menopause. Since I will technically be going through menopause in two weeks, we went ahead and started the safer of the two. There are still some potential side effects that are not fun, but so far, I feel great! I am SO thankful that I haven't felt bad or felt anything getting worse.

My feet hurt a lot. Apparently, that can happen when you don't have enough estrogen in your body. Who knew?! I swear, again, this whole process is so very weird. I'll take sore feet over lots of other side effects though. I'll probably just have to get pedicures more often. (Wink, wink!)

I've got lots of appointments coming up this week and next. I meet with my OBGYN tomorrow to discuss the tubal surgery. David is coming so we can talk about everything that that entails. I have to have a bone density scan on Thursday, and I meet with my radiologist next week. Good heavens. Things are just crazy. I think November should be a slower doctor visit month. Ha! I'm looking forward to that.

Thank you so much for caring about us and walking this road with us. Please continue to pray that all the things we are doing will work, and that this cancer (or any other) will never come back. Please pray for wisdom as we discuss surgery for next Friday, and please pray that I would have a quick and easy recovery. Annie has a soccer game the next day and I'm hoping to talk David into letting me go. We will see how I feel though. I hope you are all enjoying this cooler weather. I love you all!

DONE!

Well, it's September 21st and I am officially DONE with radiation! Praise the Lord! I made it through 33 days of that stuff, and I am so glad it's over. This last Monday was my last day, and we celebrated that whole day.

I finished radiation and rang the bell at about 8:10 am. Then, I came home and got to spend the day with my sweet Henry. We went grocery shopping and took the girls McDonald's at school. (Side note: I am sure most people know this by now, but man, McDonald's is kinda gross. I must be getting old because even the fries were just kinda meh. Ha! The kids loved it, so whatever.) When Henry and I picked the girls up from school, we surprised them and went to Dave & Busters. My sisters and I grew up going there with our parents and it has always been such a fun place. My kids love it, and we just had the BEST time. Charlotte and Henry both won 500 tickets each on a couple games, so we even were able to get a few fun prizes without having to spend a fortune.

After Dave & Busters, we went to Pappadeaux to pick up dinner. For special occasions in this house, I usually cook someone's favorite meal. Well, when it was my turn, I couldn't think of my favorite meal. When I was talking to my sister, Christie, earlier in the day, she said that any mom's favorite -meal is take out. Hello! I love seafood and can't make it very well, so I grabbed some shrimp and brought it home. We also stopped at a bakery and got some sweet treats for dessert. It was a perfect day of just celebrating and being together. I am SO thankful that I don't have to drive down Walnut Hill every morning anymore.

The next phase of treatment will be on October 20th. I will have my ovaries and tubes removed. This will be to prevent any accidental babies, but also to get rid of as many of my hormones as we can. Without this surgery, I will have to go get a shot in my stomach for the next 10 years. That's not fun, and I have no idea how much that will cost with all the changes going on with insurance. I feel more comfortable just doing this surgery and being done with that for now. It's supposed to be a quick and easy surgery. I will have it on a Friday, and if I was working, she said I could go back on Monday. Yay!

I did meet with the plastic surgeon last week and he said my skin looked great. Everything is still on track for a reconstructive surgery in early December. David and I will go meet with him in November to go over everything and make sure we are all on the same page.

Basically, life is getting back to a new normal. My hair is getting longer, my eyelashes are back, and I've been trained on how to use my new pump thingy. It feels SO good to only have doctor appointments now as opposed to having some type of treatment weekly or daily. It feels good to be able to go to soccer practices and church functions again. I seriously cannot wait for the fair!! It will probably wear me out, but stupid cancer is not taking the fair away from me or my kids this year. We are going to play on the Midway until our hearts are content, and they are going to ride as many rides as they want. (I mean, let's be slightly serious that they can't ride all the rides or we'd have to get a second mortgage on our house!) But, we will play, ride, and EAT! I can't wait!

Please pray that the rest of this year goes by quickly and without any major complications. Everything is going well right now, and I am so thankful for that. Please pray for wisdom as we meet with my Oncologist in a couple weeks and the surgeons soon to follow. We want to ask the right questions and do the correct procedures. Thank you for loving us through this year. Your kind words and prayers have meant more to me than I can say.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls." 1 Peter: 3-10

Y'all...this is how I feel...the joy I have is "inexpressible and glorious." I have never been more aware of the things that are truly important in life. I have never longed for others to know Jesus as I do now. This year has been absolutely awful, but my Jesus has been so very good. Without him, I can't imagine waking up everyday without hope. That hope is available to anyone. I would be happy to tell you more about it if you're interested. I'm praying for anyone out there that doesn't know Jesus or who has lost their way. He is SO much more than we could ever give him credit for. He's more than just a God to get us through this life. He IS life. The only things that are important in life are loving God and loving others. Not promotions. Not parties. Or how popular you are. Not the clothes you wear. Not the house or neighborhood you live in. None of that matters. We have to deal with those things, sure, but the only thing that matters is Jesus. I hope I can read this blog in ten years (heck, even 1 year) and feel the same way. Life is about Jesus. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Here are come pictures from the last few weeks...

This is what the top half of my chest looked like this month. Sorry if that's TMI. Feel free to keep scrolling. I just want to remember. I had that weird little half sticker on my neck for 6 weeks, and those big blue lines for the same amount of time. That spot up a little higher is from a small scratch I got during radiation. It doesn't hurt at all, but man, it got red. The other slight redness is itchy and annoying, but getting better everyday.

And here's the pump...

It is crazy attractive. Hehe

Wilson!

Have you ever watched Cast Away with Tom Hanks? I remember going to see it when it came out. (That probably makes me super old. Oh well!) Anyway, do you remember how Tom Hanks only had one friend on the island with him? A volleyball that he named Wilson. Well, this hat has become my Wilson.

It has been my friend over the last 8 months. I wore it everyday for months on end. My sister, Natalie, was my secret Santa this year for Christmas. She got me this adorable hat, but no one could have known how much I would wear it this year. My hair is slowly coming back in. I do not like having such short hair, but it feels SO good to not feel like I have to wear a hat all the time. It's been great to walk around without it for a few weeks now. I can't wait for my hair to get longer!!

I wore a wig for a few months, and I wore scarves a lot as well. But, in March, during spring break, I found my groove with this hat. It was SO easy to wear, much cooler, and just more me. I've worn it to church, I've sang on stage with it, I've worn it to school to pick my girls up, I've just worn it everywhere we've gone this year. My doctors have all seen it. I will love this hat forever. I can't wait to wear it again with a long braid down my back. Just to keep the sun off my face. Not to hide or cover anything up. That will be such a great day!

Six

Six more days of radiation! Praise the Lord!

I thought I'd give a quick update on what's going on with us. I have one more day (tomorrow) of regular radiation. Then, they start a 5 day "boost" on my scar and the spot where the cancer was. So, that will mean that the rest of my chest will get to start recovering after tomorrow morning. Hallelujah! The first 4 weeks of radiation were really not that bad at all. It was annoying to have to be somewhere everyday at 8 am, but otherwise, it was fine. The last week or so has been a bit more difficult. My skin is sore, and so are my muscles. I'm also starting to get really tired again. I'm thankful that this part is almost over. I meet with my plastic surgeon on Tuesday to discuss how my skin has reacted and also to plan out the reconstructive surgery in December. So, my last day of radiation will be September 18th. Yay! I'll have a small surgery in late October and then reconstruction December 8th. We are in the home stretch, and hoping for everything to continue to go as smoothly as possible.

I don't think I updated on here that I've been going to physical therapy. Now that I had 12 lymph nodes removed, I officially have lymphedema. (One more thing to deal with...good times!) Anyway, my left hand has been swelling off and on for about a month. I can't wear my watch or wedding rings at the moment, so that has been frustrating. I've been going to physical therapy at the hospital 2-3 times per week and seeing a wonderful lady. She has been such a joy to be around and has truly helped me feel better. I've got some exercises to work on to help with the swelling, and I will hopefully be receiving a crazy large pump to use every night for a while. I'll work my way down to two nights a week on the pump, but I'm excited to see how much that helps.

On a super great note, the kids have all started school and done so well these past few weeks! The girls are in 1st and 3rd grade, and we are so thankful for the sweet teachers they got this year. They are loving everything about school, and we are so grateful for that. Henry started at a new school last week, and that was a total God thing. I actually quit my job in Plano, and Henry started at a school that is like 2 minutes from our house. His teachers both go to our church, and one has been his Sunday school teacher for years. He adores them both and has loved going to school. That has been such an answer to prayer. We could not be more thankful for how all that worked out. I still can't believe I'm not working this year. It's such a weird feeling, but I know it is what the Lord wants for us right now. This week, I will be watching Netflix and catching up on shows while I rest and get through the last part of radiation. After that, it will be so lovely to get a few things done and have some time to myself.

Here are a few ways you can pray for us right now:
-Please pray for my energy this week and for me to be able to do the things I need to. Please pray for the pain I'm experiencing to lessen. My chest just hurts. It's hard to sleep sometimes because no matter which side I lay on, it's just uncomfortable. I also have a spot that just radiates pain every so often. That's not super fun either. I'll see my radiologist on Tuesday to discuss all this, but so far, it's all been normal.
-Awana and choir start this Wednesday night at our church. David leads Awana, and I will be able to lead choir again this semester. Pray for energy for both of us, and for all the kids that we will be ministering to. We are really excited!
-This is random, but please pray for a plumbing situation in our house. There is actually a plumber on our roof right now trying to fix a clog we had in a pipe. One of our toilets started spewing raw sewage during the Cowboy game tonight. It wasn't super fun, and it's just one more thing for us to deal with. Hopefully they will be sending a crew out to clean tomorrow as well. We did get everything cleaned up, but you know, a thorough cleaning after that is usually warranted. Pray that we don't get overwhelmed with all the things going on in life right now.

Thank you SO much for praying for us. This has been such a difficult year, but we have been so blessed to know so many people love and care for us. I'll keep y'all posted as radiation ends and as we plan for my last two surgeries. I can't wait to celebrate once December 8th is over!!

1 down, 30 to go

Hello friends! I hope everyone reading this is doing well. I am currently sitting in our office at home while my husband is working out and my children are at their grandparents' house. My parents took the kids home with them after work yesterday, and I have had ALL day to myself. I mean, seriously...it's been amazing. I started my day with radiation (more on that in a sec), worked out (again, more later), I was a "lady that lunches" and had tacos at a local restaurant BY MYSELF while I read a book, and now I'm updating the blog. David and I are going to dinner and a movie later tonight. I miss all three of my kiddos already, but I am enjoying every moment of the peace and quiet around here!

So...this has been another weird week. I've read through so many of my posts, and the word that keeps coming up is "weird." I just can't think of another way to describe everything. I met with my breast surgeon on Monday, and it was a great appointment. Isn't it so funny that when you have appointments and you tell your husband not to come, you get diagnosed with cancer or have a great report?! Then, when he does come you end up waiting over an hour to be told "everything is looking good." I mean, seriously.

Anyway, Dr. Thomas told me I was CANCER FREE!! Yay! I cannot begin to describe how awesome it was to hear her say that. She talked about how the whole team thought that if they went back in to get more tissue, it wouldn't have had any cancer. Hallelujah! She measured my arms to check for swelling, and other than my left wrist being half a centimeter bigger than my right wrist, everything is exactly the same. She said that is most unusual for only being a month out of surgery. She also checked my range of motion and scars and said everything looks wonderful. I see her again in 3 months. If you need a breast surgeon, I cannot recommend her more highly. She sat and chatted with me about my kids and hers, and gave me such a big hug when she left. I adore her.

I also started radiation this week. (That's the weird part.) I went last Thursday to get all the preliminary marks put on my chest, as well as a CT scan. The people in this office are extremely kind as well, and they have made me feel so comfortable. I was supposed to start radiation Tuesday morning, but insurance hadn't approved it yet. Grr! It was approved quickly though, and I started on Wednesday. I had to go in at 7:30 am to get new marks all over my chest. (Fun!) Then, they got me set up on the table and all the lines and marks aligned. Then, it took two minutes to actually radiate everything. After that, they send you on your way and you just go home. It's quick and relatively easy so far. One thing that made me smile was that Wednesday morning, they had Elton John playing while I was in the radiation room. I know it sounds silly, but it was just another way the Lord encouraged me through this whole process. I got to listen to about 2 1/2 of his songs and then headed on my way. I LOVE Elton John, if you didn't know. Every other day this week, it's been elevator music, so my first day was a treat.

Thursday and Friday, I get to the cancer center at about 7:55, and I'm walking out the door to go home at around 8:15. I'm SO glad it's so quick. I hate having to get up so early everyday, but I'm so glad I can drop the girls off at school soon and then head over there. David will be able to stay home with Henry while I'm gone, so it's way less stressful for the kids this way.

I should be done the 2nd week of September. I will be teaching Preschool again this year, but I'm so thankful that I won't be starting until October. That will give me the last few weeks of September to rest and get back to my old self. After radiation, all I have left are 2 surgeries. Which is a lot, but it won't be to treat the cancer. It will just be to get hormones out of my body and to do reconstruction. I don't look forward to those surgeries, but I'll be so glad when they are over.

I feel better and better with each passing day. My hair is coming in, and I am so close to not needing a hat anymore. I've started working out. I'm walking on a treadmill that my brother and sister in law let us borrow. I usually HATE working out, but I have SO enjoyed walking everyday. I will get this extra weight off, and exercise reduces your risk of cancer coming back. (Or so they say...no matter what, it's good for me.) Martie isn't coming over everyday anymore. We had SO much fun with her while she was coming, and I could not be more thankful for her. But, it feels SO good to be able to do things on my own again. I even hung up my own clothes today. (They are on a super high rack, so that is a big accomplishment for me!) It feels wonderful to get back in the swing of things. I am thrilled to be able to grocery shop again, drive, and reach my pans above my oven again.

It feels silly, but I am so thankful for all the little things right now. God is just so faithful. He answers prayers and cares about even the little things. I'm so amazed at what a mighty God we serve. I hope you are all enjoying your summer, and I hope you soak up every last minute before school starts. Thank you for praying and for loving us so.

These are the Dallas Castillejos cousins. We shut the pool down a few nights ago, and had the best time!

Martie and Graham are engaged! We are SO happy for them, and we can't wait for the wedding in January!

Meet my new friend....the treadmill. It takes up a LARGE portion of our laundry room, but it is becoming my best friend. Those stupid steroids helped me gain a good 10 pounds, and I intend to lose every one of them. This mama is going to enjoy wearing a bridesmaids dress for Martie's wedding.

We got to meet my newest nephew on July 25th. George Phillip Clark was born, and he is absolutely precious! I am so thankful I was able to snuggle with him. If you're keeping track, that makes 10 nieces and nephews for us, and there are lots of people in the family that aren't finished having babies. Christmas is always going to be fun around here!

This was my view today. A good book, sonic, and some tacos in peace and quiet. Hallelujah!

It's coming back in!! Yay! Also, those are my EYEBROWS!! It's so funny how much better I feel now that I have eyebrows again. My eyelashes are coming in, but they aren't quite as long as they were. They'll get there though.

It's super fun to walk around with stickers and marks all over your body. It's worth it, but they definitely do not match my outfit. I don't like to mix navy and black. I guess I can make an exception just this once. :)

What's going on...

I know I said I would post sooner than this, so please forgive me. We got my pathology reports back and there were still some decisions to be made. So, we waited on all that, made  more decisions, and have just been processing and healing.

So, here's what they found out...
-ALL of the invasive ductal carcinoma is out of my body. Praise the Lord! Those margins were all clear.
-I had 3 out of 12 lymph nodes test positive for cancer involvement.
-The margin is not completely clear though. I still have 3 tiny spots that have Ductal Carcinoma In Situ. Basically, that is the beginning of cancer and those spots are not spreading.

So, last week we were confused and disappointed. We were really hoping for a completely clear report and no more major decisions needing to be made. That wasn't quite what we got. We got mostly good news though. We met with my oncologist on Monday, and she seemed fairly happy with the results. She is going to have them test my lymph nodes again to make sure the cancer that was in them was still hormonally driven. If not, I will have to take an oral chemo pill. Yuck! My oncologist is fairly sure that they haven't changed, but she's going to check them anyway.

Bascially, the tiny cancer spots they found could have meant that I needed additional surgery to remove more tissue. After the entire breast cancer team at Presby met last week, they all decided NOT to do surgery. They think that radiation will take care of any remaining cancer cells. This is all so hard to understand, but I'm grasping it better with each day. Basically, the tissue they took out to test as a margin had "focally present" in situ (non growing) cancer cells on the top. They were not imbedded through the margin, and could still be within the margin of error. So, radiation should take care of anything else that was left in that spot. I was really upset about all this at first, but now I feel really positive about it. I don't think that I am considered "cancer free" until after radiation, but I feel like it already.

We met with the radiologist last week, and she was wonderful too. She's actually a young mom that lives here in Lake Highlands, and we have actually talked once on facebook already. I was asking questions a few months ago, and she was so sweet to help answer them. She was really encouraging and seemed to think the radiation would take care of any possible cancer cells that might be there. I see her again next Tuesday to get prepared for radiation. I think I will start the first week of August. I will have daily radiation treatments for 5 1/2-6 weeks. Fun. I will get a pretty awesome sunburn and be pretty tired by the end, but everyone says this part is easier than chemo and surgery.

Yesterday I saw the plastic surgeon again. He is so kind and was very encouraging. He doesn't want to talk about any of the reconstruction process yet because we have to see how I do during radiation. Everything sort of hinges on my reaction to that. He did give me a "fill" in my tissue expanders. (Sorry, probably TMI, but I want to remember this process.) He used a magnet to find where the port in my expanders were. Then, he deadened the skin there. (He didn't need to because I couldn't feel a thing. Ha!) Then, he used saline to fill both sides a little more. Seriously, this whole process is the weirdest thing ever! I have to go back next week to fill the left side slightly more. Apparently during radiation, my left side may shrink down and could be very different than the other. We have to over fill because of that complications. Again, sorry, TMI. Ha!

After getting my "fill," I was actually pretty sore. It didn't hurt nearly as much as I thought, but it just felt weird. The strangest part though is that I got a TON more motion in my left arm yesterday afterwards. I can put my left arm behind my head now, and that is awesome. Again, this whole process is so weird.

Thank you so much for your prayers, cards, flowers, and kind words. You have all been such an encouragement to me. I feel like the hardest parts are (hopefully) behind me, but it still continues to be tough. I know it will be a new normal, but I am so ready to get back to normal.

Ways to pray:
-Please pray that the lymph nodes that they will retest still contain hormonally driven cancer cells so that I do not have to do further chemo.
-Pray for my skin during radiation. Please pray that it reacts well to radiation and that there are no complications. My reaction to radiation greatly affects my reconstruction process coming up.
-Please pray that my kids and I are able to enjoy the rest of summer. We only have a few weeks until school starts, and I know none of us are quite ready.
-Please pray that the Lord would heal my body completely and that I will never have to deal with any of this ever again.
-Please pray for wisdom in more decisions we make dealing with other surgeries and reconstruction.

Thank you again for loving us through this. Your support has meant the world to us.

Just a fun picture from our wedding, 13 years ago.

Watching the fireworks at Firewheel on the 4th of July.

Blurry, but fun!

This is just a silly picture, but it's one I want to remember. This is what I find in my bed most mornings. Henry usually gets up a few minutes before the girls and comes and climbs in our bed. He always leaves his little friends for us to find later. I know I'll miss these little things one day when they are older.

A recliner and some drains

Well, it's Saturday morning and I'm 5 days out from surgery. Praise the Lord that everything went well. I was SO nervous the few days before surgery, but I think both David and I felt your prayers that morning as we went in with a peace about everything. I only got emotional for a little bit and then everything got started.

We left our house with the kids asleep and Papa watching them until my parents could get there. We checked into the hospital at around 5:30 AM and went straight back to a room. I met with nurses and doctors and got dressed in my super fabulous hospital gown. The nurses came back to mark all the spots they would be operating on. I did tell her that if my port was still in when I woke up, I would go to Dr. Thomas' house later and have her take it out there. Ha! Have I mentioned that I hated that thing? Eventually, the anesthesiologist came in and we started talking about surgery. They took David and I to the recovery room and he put an epidural in. It was weird having an epidural without having a baby. It was much higher in my back and honestly worked wonderfully. This was the only time David was able to be in the room while I got an epidural. Honestly, after that, all I remember is counting the circle lights in the operating room and then waking up in recovery. I got sick once, but otherwise I think I did fine. (Again, I don't remember much.) I apparently told everyone I was hot because I had a fan next to me in recovery and a cold cloth on my head. I mean, the service was fabulous there. :)

I do remember getting up to my room and David, my dad, and Mr. Sergio were all there. Mom had to take Charlotte to the doctor. Bless her heart, she woke up with an ear ache the night before and her ear drum burst on the way to the doctor that afternoon. Please pray for her actually. Once we go in for a follow up with her pediatrician, we will be going to see the ENT because of the many ear infections she's had this semester. I think something is going on there.

I spent the night Monday and Tuesday in the hospital, and got to go home around 6 pm on Wednesday. It has been GLORIOUS to sleep in my own house and not have a zillion people come in around the clock to check IV's and vital signs. I have to say though, the doctors and nurses at Presby Dallas were absolutely amazing. I hope none of you ever have to go through any of this, but my doctors have been so wonderful. I would recommend them to anyone, and the nurses were so kind and helpful.

The pathology results should be back sometime next week. I am hoping for Monday, but since it's a holiday week, I'm guessing it'll be closer to Friday. I'll go in to the plastic surgeon's office on Monday to check drains and possibly have a few removed. We will see. I meet with the breast surgeon next Friday and my oncologist on July 10th. Radiation will probably start at the end of the month, and I'm hoping that will be easier than the rest of this stuff.

Please pray for continued healing. The doctors said my skin looked great and that everything looks good. (My skin is super important in all this as it will be affected greatly by the radiation.) The nurses all seemed to be impressed with my recovery, so that's good. David and I went on a walk around the neighborhood the other night, and that felt great. Please pray these drains will continue working without complications and that they will get to come out soon. They are not as bad as I expected them to be, but they are just annoying. I'll be SO glad when they are out.

I am so thankful that this week is almost over. I seriously can't believe it's already July. I remember thinking that we'd never get through February. God has been so good throughout this whole process, and we are so thankful for all our friends and family.

I do have to brag on my sweet nurse, David. He hasn't complained once and has just taken such great care of me. Monday is our 13th anniversary, and we will spend the day differently than we have ever spent any of our anniversaries. I could not be more thankful to have married him. Aside from deciding to follow Jesus, marrying David is the best decision I ever made. He is the kindest, sweetest, funniest man I know, and I will always be so grateful that he's my husband and best friend.

Thank you for praying, for all your kind messages, and just for always being there for us. I will keep updating the blog. I know I'll feel better and better with each day that passes, but I am ready to feel normal again. This is just so very hard. I hate that my kiddos are gone right now, but having them back won't be totally awesome either since I'm still not even close to 100%. Please pray for encouragement for me and that I won't get too down with how difficult this is.

Since I called the post "Recliner and some drains," here are some pictures of what we get to see a lot of lately....

This is where I've been sleeping. This was Mamaw's recliner that I have on loan from Papaw. I have to say it has been extremely comfortable. The kids will all be sad when we have to give it back. Ha!

Here are 2 out of my 4 drains. They are weird and gross, but hopefully won't be around too much longer.

And, this is my view most of the time. Hanging out on the couch watching Netflix. Yesterday I started a puzzle and did some Sudoku puzzles. Crazy times around here. Today, we have 2 fabulous guys installing some built in shelves around our piano. Hallelujah! So, I'm hiding back in our bedroom in the recliner. The rain is making me feel super cozy. I'll probably turn on a Harry Potter movie soon.

Thanks for listening and thanks for praying. God has been so faithful, and I know he will continue to be. I will update once we have the pathology reports. Love you all!

Part 2

So the last 3 weeks have been heavenly. I'm starting to feel better and I'm able to do more things again. David and I have stayed up late watching Netflix shows, the kids and I have run a zillion errands, I've been cooking more meals and desserts, we have played and had lunch with friends, and we have just been living life. It has been wonderful to start to feel normal again. My hair is even starting to come back. Yay! (I'm still wearing my hat, but hopefully not for much longer. I literally can't wait to go see Anita and get an actual short hair style!!)

Today I am asking for prayers again. I will be having a double mastectomy on Monday, June 26th at 7:15 am. This is part 2 of my treatment. The doctors have told me that chemo and this surgery are the hardest parts, and it will be much easier after this. (I'm totally going to hold them to that.)

Please pray for my children. They are all a little nervous about me being in the hospital and about spending so much time away from home. I know they will have a good time, but it will be a little bit of a change for them. I like having my babies close, so that will be a change for me too. The Lord has been SO good to guard their hearts this far, and I know He will continue to do that. 

Please also pray for me and David. We are both so ready for this surgery to be over, but we dread the recovery and all the changes it will bring. I'm getting more emotional about everything this surgery entails. I don't really want my body to change, and I dread all the surgeries to follow.

I do know that without this surgery, I will not get better. Please pray for an easy recovery and NO complications. We will get the pathology results about a week after my surgery. Please pray for good results and good margins. Also, specifically, please pray that my cancer has not changed. I am having my port removed (because I HATE it) and the only reason I would need it after surgery is if my cancer has changed from HERnegative to HERpositive. Please pray it stays negative. I don't want to have to put that stupid port back in. Please pray that I will be cancer free after this surgery. I will probably have to do radiation next, but I'm really hoping to get EVERY SINGLE cancer cell out of my body with this surgery!

Thank you so much for praying for me. When I think about how many people have been praying for me and my family, it truly brings tears to my eyes. I will be forever grateful for how you have loved us through the last 6 months. It has been such a hard road, but I have truly seen the goodness of God. I know that may sound weird to some of you, but I know there is a purpose for my suffering. If you ever have any questions or want to know more about God, please feel free to leave me a comment and I will contact you. I have been blessed to have spent most of my life following Jesus, but this year, he has never been more real to me. I am such a mess, and I am so grateful that he died for my sins and has made me a new creation. He is not just a God of rules and regulations. He is a God who loves his children and sacrificed everything for us. I cannot imagine saying goodbye to my family, but this year has made me long for Heaven and His presence more than ever. This broken world we live in is so hard and scary at times, but I am so thankful for a savior who will wipe away every tear. His love makes this tough road worth it.

Here are some pictures of my sweet kiddos last week. We rewarded them with a "Fun Family Day." They have been SO helpful at home, so loving, so sweet, and just generally amazing. We went to Chick fil A for lunch, Dave and Busters to play games, Northpark to see Cars 3, Chili's for dinner, and then ice cream treats to end the evening. It was such a fun time to just enjoy each other and be a normal family again.

Thank you again for praying! I love each and every one of you reading this blog, and I pray that you will see the goodness of God through every step of this journey we are on. I will update after surgery. 

"Let us approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrew 4:16

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus or Lord." Romans 8:38-39

"Lord, do not forsake me; do not be far from me, my God. Come quickly to help me, my Lord and my Savior." Psalm 38:21-22